Reflecting

I went to a very feminist school. This was hardly optional with it being packed with about 700 women and 3 men. Not only in English & History classes did we have to listen to the plight of women, but also in Maths & Art & probably Biology too. “Aren’t you all so lucky that you get to attend an all-girls school where you are not embarrassed to speak your mind or ask your questions in class”. Well, personally, I had nothing to say about logs, sins and acute triangles no matter who was in class with me, but we all nodded along in innocent agreement.

Our teachers ranted and raved to us about how even the word, “menstruate” was an evil patriarchal word. We took it in and became determined that we would rule the world, sweet family & home aspirations be damned. Maggie Thatchers In The Breeding.

My poor father & brothers took most of the brunt. My dad eventually told me to stay out of his marriage. Shock Horror, but his wife was his slave as a housewife. My brothers mainly had a field day of winding me up, but I constantly reminded them that any images of a woman that gave them sexual urges were evil, that sex was only on a woman’s terms! (These days, I believe it is on both – or the group’s! – terms). Playboy and Penthouse were more evil than any triple 6 or inverted star for me.

Ra Ra Exhausting Ra.

I carried on into varsity with this. But slowly I was exhausting even myself. One day an old schoolmate whispered a confession to me – all she really wanted to be was a housewife, looking after her children & household. That’s what she guiltily aspired too. This is when I began to realise our teaching might have been a bit misguided. Even looking back at it, the most prominent feminist teacher had 2 children, one husband who would confess his love about our school, and she held a traditional woman’s job. She had been fighting against herself, and rallied us as her soldiers.

My poor varsity professors and tutors. They took the brunt of this backlash to “pseudo-feminism” every time they tried to explain some ridiculous theory. The Apartheid-era novel’s entire message may have been about race, but even in 3rd year they were expecting us to HUNT out the female suppression examples. And I shouted my little head off about this & their ridiculous obsession.

I am still a Feminist. But perhaps my “Feminism” needs to be defined. Often I simplify it down to being a “Genderist”. (That term makes no sense but it often shuts up the drunken argumentative guy at the bar). For me Feminism is about Choice.

Our teachers were taking our choices away from us by lauding that Feminism meant being strong and in control in EVERY situation. That being a housewife was a cop-out, and admitting to one’s fragility and sexual attractiveness was wrong. We are now having to be strong in our choices if these are to return to traditional female roles.

Feminism is still very necessary in the world. There are girls out there who are not allowed an education more because of their gender than because of their financial situation. Who women marry, and when, is still not of their choosing in many financial, racial & cultural sectors…because of their gender. Many women are not aware of their rights, choices and how to obtain these & Feminism has a duty to expose these.

One has to be so careful with the concept of Feminism. It is not about prancing into a Sudanese community and ordering women to stop the “Female Circumcision” practice, as it is barbaric from a Western point of view. It is about understanding traditional female practices, and offering women the opportunities to choose the practices they believe are right, and escaping those they personally believe are wrong and/or barbaric.

Feminism is not about acting like the women on SEX AND THE CITY. It is about having the ability to act like this if you want, or being allowed to declare abstinence and virginity until marriage (or after), and everything in-between.

At the moment the TV news programmes are focusing on Women’s Month. Yesterday morning I watched a woman talk about how many South African women are still having to hawk wares on street corners, or carry 20 kilos of water on their heads, or run households while men are away in the cities. It made me wonder if this is a Feminist issue. South African men are faced with some pretty horrible roles & responsibilities as well. Perhaps these situations, that happen to be occur with a poor female face, are not gender issues at all & recognising this will help to find solutions. But that is a sideline thought.

All these programmes carry on that “We as women have come so far BUT….”
I was thinking that tomorrow, maybe, as we lie in bed after a crazy night of drinking, dancing & maybe snogging, or we choose to stay home with a book or bad TV and get up and run several kms, or I choose to join the march to the Union Buildings after my optional French class that I choose to learn, not because a good trophy wife knows French, but because a leader of the UN needs at least 2 UN languages under her belt…Maybe we just look at how far we have come and how privileged we are in the choices we each personally have every day.

Happy Women's Day!!!!!!