Hey Hey! That's me!

So apparently my work scanner doesn’t print in colour. I can't complain at the moment though - we're already getting those emails from the boss about our supposed personal use of the internet.

So, ooo la la! I am famous in Cosmo World! Welcome any Cosmo-directed readers! Lovely to have you at this spot. Pop open some bubbles (after all, it’s already brunch time!), chill out, and tell me your thoughts on, well, anything…

So, thanks for the darling compliment Cosmo - Much obliged.

I also really enjoyed your article on “Grey Rape” – in this Feb issue. As you might know, this is a silent societal practice I feel strongly about, and want more attention & conversations on, and for our communities to fight back against it.

…Like we don’t have enough to battle with… but hey, teaching men to respect women & what this really means, & teaching women how we can & must respect ourselves and our chosen boundaries, can only benefit countless of our issues. Right?

Some points from the article:

“And at the end of the day, getting drunk isn’t a crime but having sex with someone without his or her permission is”.
Meaka Bigs (Rape Crisis Cape Town)

“Never, ever assume” – this goes for both sides, I guess.

Some of their advice to girls – to not put yourself in vulnerable situations & to understand what the guy might be reading from a situation, and address these assumptions.

And still, from my experience, that is not going to ensure our safety.

From my past fuck ups – I told the guy, “I’m sleeping in this bed cause I’m too boozed to drive, but do not think this allows you to fondle me...maybe just cuddle...”. Such a clear signal still was not understood.

Eventually, in similar moments (yes, I never learnt from initial lessons - "why" is my issue, not yours to judge), I would say, “You touch me, and I will kill you”, and I would sleep so far on the other side of the bed, couch, room, I was almost falling out. I got a kick out of seeing the fear in the guy’s eyes when I said that – he understood my message perfectly well.

I also learnt that a girl does not get completely smashed cause “it is not ladylike”. Fuck that. It is because there are a handful of men in our community that make up the scum of our society’s pond, and when one of these guys eyes a drunk partying chick, all he really sees is “easy sexual target”.

It ain’t right, it ain’t nice, but, for now, it is reality, and we need to be aware of it. And us getting hurt by it, is not a way to fight back against it.

And finally – in a show of support from our state systems, and in warning to all such pond scum or just those men who get confused by girls’ boundaries & messages:

The Sexual Offences Amendment Act – passed in December – defines rape as ‘unlawful, intentional sexual penetration between people without consent’. “It’s not gender-specific, and penetration is now defined as forced oral, vaginal or anal sex and the insertion of fingers or objects… and “it stipulates that if the target is drunk drugged or asleep, the ‘consent’ can be seen as forced, and the other party can automatically be charged with rape”.

But now... back to happier issues... like that my gorgeous boy has turned me on to Matt Costa's tunes – niiiice.