Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Celebrating Heritages

By the end of this weekend all I am thinking is “China and SA Trade Relations”. Ah yes, what a ripper. Well it was really. It just ended on a sad sorry note.

I learnt that there was a massive Chinese celebration in Jo’burg CBD on Sunday for Heritage Day. For the first time ever. Seemed like it would’ve been a great place to be and I am almost sorry I missed it. And that I did not even know about it until mad googling for a UNISA China/SA assignment yesterday.

Instead, on Sunday, I was fighting against a self-induced headache by nursing a chilled cider in the shade while staring at the Free State across the Vaal River (named as such after the afrikaans word “vuil” for “dirty”… or so the Brit couple with us were led to believe). The most I could do on Heritage Day was utter one nonsensical word per minute. Or so I recall.

And bitch that I had been made to sleep on the floor the night before. A blue bearded smurf have been taught “persistence equals resistance” hours prior and so he ignored the last-single-girl-standing’s resistance at 3am and persisted with the girl while on the last couch till I gave up claim to it (the couch!) and snoozed with my head buried into a carpet. And was awoken to a Scotty dog’s nose in my ear.

This past weekend did let me establish that I am flirting with responsibility at the moment. I don’t think it will ever turn out into a full blown love affair. More of a weekend fling. It made me realise though, when one is relatively responsible (and ‘relatively’ needs to be taken lightly after the vast amount of irresponsibility that took place from all corners) and has a camera, one immediately gains a new possible income. Blackmail can be a wonderful hobby. All bribes for this weekend’s photos are now being accepted. And do not think that I am of “SA cop bribery rates”. Please. We’re talking full on US Senator rates here, thank you.

I also established that one should learn the rules of the drinking game before playing strip drinking games. Especially when EVERYBODY else at the table has already learnt the rules. Thank god for beergoogles, cause my body is hardly in a ready state to be seen in a bikini at 2am at the beginning of summer! (Although it was bared to the sun earlier that day, as well as being doused in chocolate sauce/ Brazilian tanning oil, courtesy of a crazy doctor with us).

Peas, excellent to have met you! I will forever remember you with NIPPLES blue inked across your belly, right before you guys tumbled into the fireplace and I did my best to have an in-depth convo with a Labrador about why he shouldn’t be drinking as heavily as the forty humans around him. I actually think at that moment I believed he was talking back to me. Which reminds me – never again will I underestimated the Power of Pimms!

Meanwhile, I also realised, China and SA are playing a civilised game of poker. Both are so courteous to each other, but China has a straight flush while SA is holding a pair of Jacks. I’m really hoping SA has a good poker face.

16 comments:

Jack Rock said...

Champagne Heathen - you've never told me this is you? Brilliant! I'll refrain from commenting on the real profile of one of Jozi's most civilised and classy party animals!

Re the blackmail: let's just remember that there was more than one camera being handed around on Saturday night!

You're brilliant, gonna miss you!

Peas on Toast said...

Hilarious Champers!

Right, how do I get my hands onto your photos.... name the price. Not so much for me, but all the other people I can bribe as well. :)

Champagne Heathen said...

JR - Gonna miss you like mad too! But you'll only be a sms away for me to send drunken bitching messages about skanky men etc. I'm busy burning your CD as we type.

Of course I never told you this was me...I needed a anon forum to speak of the 5 times I lunged you...or is that now plunged...no, definitely just lunged.

And I managed to artfully dodge all OTHER cameras when up to chaos (Just not my own, where there's one of me lifting my top! Bribes now open.)

Peas - Ah, joint bribes. We can double our earnings! Or halve them. I'm not good with ecos. I'll have to get you a CD. I have a fascinating one of your fist actually??

Peas on Toast said...

My fist? Oy vey!

OK I'd love you to burn me a CD, I'll bring you a blank one in exchange. We can arrange a pick-up, maybe over cocktails. :)

Champagne Heathen said...

Excellent idea! Especially cause what with UNISA being fed and satisfied by week end I'll be ready to finally hail in summer over some tequila-drenched cocktail.

You should have my email address somewhere along the line from photos links being mailed about?

Jack Rock said...

Ah Champers, can't wait for the sms's to roll through. I have absolute confidence in our "tag-and-release" policies bearing fruit at some point.

Out of interest, your tag-line for this site has an uncanny similarity to a certain phrase I've been known to bandy about? It's all starting to make sense...

And Peas, jeez, your evening just goes from the bizarre to the outright absurd. Oi gevalt indeed...

Peas on Toast said...

God and the fist is on camera... notsomuch the three-way lunge.

Hilarious!

TwoFlower said...

hmmmm...are you sure it was just pimms you were drinking??? the last time i had a conversation with a dog and it spoke to me was way back when during my youthful pothead days! ha ha!

Champagne Heathen said...

The girls of Oxford better watch out! Especially as how could they resist a man with "POEN" sunburnt onto his chest!?!

There's possible sense being made on this site or between any of us??

Peas, everything is on a camera. It is just finding out which camera and how much that person is willing to settle for!

2F - I see you have left our single world!! I definitely wasn't only drinking pimms. I recall a bottle of cinnamon hell at some point. Which reminds me - I'd better replace my flatmate's "borrowed" champagne as well!

spoon said...

so you had a camera...so where are the blackmail pics???

Champagne Heathen said...

They're carefully stored away under lock and key....and being emailed back and forth. Like I said, only skilled bribery will make me even consider posting any of them.... starting the bidding at ????

Dave said...

"Never let the truth get in the way of a good yarn" Mark Brandon Reed a.k.a. CHOPPER!!

Sounds like a ripper of a weekend albeit your level of responsibility is presently VERY high!

Koekie said...

Okay, it's a bit late, but then I'm never quick on the uptake.

So I'm just going to throw out a loud and booming, "Persistance always overcomes resistance!"

And word on the street is that you were doing the lunging, Champers... Never underestimate the power of a good rumour ;-)

Champagne Heathen said...

Dave - isn't Chopper the psycho criminal murderer guy??

Yes, just google 'responsibility' and you'll see a pic of me there!! Aren't you impressed. Although, this responsibility was all relative, in the way that I don't THINK I fell down once, and that alone was an impressive feat.

Koeks - what uptake?? In clicking who I was? And please tell me you are joking about that reversed rumour!! Or that you are trying to start it.

My resistance levels are world record setting high, so this should make for interesting challenges!

Koekie said...

No, no... Just slow to catch up with the convo about last weekend!

I could try to start a reverse rumour, but unfortunately everyone knows that that Pirate Bluebeard is to lunging, like cane is to creme soda.

So no one would believe me anyway ;-)

Champagne Heathen said...

Pirate Bluebeard...ha ha ha ha...I think we have to at least start that nickname. And what about his lunging rep?!! And here I thought I was special!