Wednesday, February 21, 2007

And now….

…for something (anything) completely different.

There is only so long one can dwell on an issue before it becomes unconstructive and people become tired. I am certain I will broach the theme of the past two days again, in whatever form, so for those of you who were fascinated by it, watch this space. And thank you again for your comments that I found constructive, insightful, and supportive!

…but then now what??

Manuel’s budget speech today? Gawd no, that will only have me hauling myself up a soapbox again, I am sure.

HIV and AIDS? For now, all is as calm as can be considering, on that western front. Or perhaps I have been too distracted to know this week’s new themes. Mainly, everyone has gone quiet, just watching, waiting, for more bursts of Russian colloquialisms & demented babble out of our ailing Health Minister. I do hope that, if she is as ill as media hype is making out, our government will not be its renowned stubborn self, and rather relieve her of her duties, and allow her to rest and recuperate gracefully.

Delightful Jam has decided to initiate a project for us blogging chickitas… and asks us to pen our amusing stories down, which could become part of her Urban Chick book. Check out the site, and be off like Carrie Bradshaw’s Manolo heels to type away your experiences while enjoying an iced latte, in some New York-style coffee shop.

Other than that, what can I say. Not a helluva lot. (HA! This is me, I’ll find something. AND a lot of it.) Except for what, according to my mate studying her ass off in NYC (and if you are reading this, you just get back to your books chickie!!), is one of those experiences she’d still be reminiscing about while lolling about on her deathbed… I was given a free meal voucher. And not to any old fast food have-a-free-milkshake-with-your-fries voucher. But a voucher to the Meat Co. Melrose Arch.

This was offered to me after I had just munched my way through a 3-course incredible meal, soaked up in my tummy by an expensive wine of my choice, paid for by a sexy Frenchie, who always holds true to his promise of being excellent amusing company. All of this served to me by a delightful lady called Priscilla, (who also became besotted by the blue-eyed charming Gaul). On a gorgeously warm summer’s night. Under the stars and a massive quarter moon.

One can understand the distress I must have been under to receive such a token of their embarrassment. Really?? You can?? If so, please explain to us!

As we gorged ourselves on our respective dishes, the restaurant’s manager approached with a plate of more TENDER chicken medallion pieces (which were stuffed with spinach & olives. YUMM!!), quickly said I needed more, dished them onto my plate, and was gone. My darling Frenchie - who is convinced that South Africans all sound like Shrek - asked, “Iz zees a Shrek land zing?”
(I have yet to establish how I feel being associated to a big green friendly ogre. Personally, I think I’d prefer to be the donkey.)
“Mais oui, mon petit chou!”

I had no clue what was going on.

The waitress later explained, once we had forgotten about this oddity, that she had told the kitchen they had given me far too meagre a portion of tasty chicken. They have a reputation to uphold. I was not arguing back, expect to say there was just enough chance I was going to finish the original portion, let alone this new welcome addition.

This is where Frenchie climbed on the green friendly ogre bandwagon & asked if his approx. 1 kilo of RARE fillet (he doesn’t get to eat enough meat at home it seems) was also not a little undersized for their usual dishes. Charm charm charm. Priscilla looked close to bringing him a whole cow, dead, skinned, and as close to steak tartar as possible, as she swooned back at him.

ANYWAY…they ended up having to doggy bag my extra food. Then we sat relaxing in the tranquillity that can be luxuriant Melrose Arch. Watching some other foreigner attempt to charm the girls at the table next to us. The girls left fast. The guy returned to his mates and was left to his own ramblings. Like I said before, your nationality either has it. Or it doesn’t.

The next thing Priscilla scrambled past us, grabbed the doggy bag, and was gone. Shrek land thing? Peut Etre. More wine? Oui, merci. She returned and explained a bit later that she had just discovered the food had been dropped in the kitchen earlier. Ah well, it was not meant to be. More wine? Mais oui.

As we left, the manager approached us to offer his apologies for our “disasterous” dinner. And then he subtly slid a food voucher for one Chicken Medallion Dish into my hand.

J’aime des Shreks! Merci Meat Co. and DEFINITELY see you soon!

53 comments:

Insane Insomniac said...

Looks like good karma was overflowing last night!

Champagne Heathen said...

And karma is just more than welcome to keep this up then!

Guinness "Curry" Pig said...

Karma? Thought it was the Meat co.
Maybe you ment
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kamadeva

Robert@iScatterlings.com said...

Hey! Watch out who you call 'Frenchie!. But there is the odd rotten Gaul in the barrel.

Suddenly I find I am back to being a darned jolly good Namibian.

Jam... said...

Thanks for the punt.
As you always say - smooches.
Now I need someone to massage my head.

Guinness Piggy said...

Ha! So I was right, this is all about:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kama_Sutra

Phlippy said...

Ahhhh, now that was a lovely story... MOre more :-)

Champagne Heathen said...

Actually Guinnie, I meant the lesbian SA singer who is currently making a comeback! (Now read my previous comment under that version!)

Aaah, Robs, you have always been a Namib plaas seun to me! Try as you did with that freenchi akceent.

Jam - why the dots after your name?? Mysterious.
Pleasure! Smooches to you!
Head massage hey?! That sounds kinda kinky! And yet...so not!

Champagne Heathen said...

Guinnie - no link needed for the Kama Sutra - I have the diagrams etched to my brain...

Phlippy - but there was no more to tell! *eyelid batter* *eyelid batter*

Guinness "Kink" piglet said...

Hmmm Champs, thought you had more taste than Karma. Well with all the smooches I can see you do after all have good taste ;-)

Champagne Heathen said...

Ja ja, Guinnie, join a few other male bloggers, and fantasise away about that!!

[And to any of you confused, and not wanting to fantasise, readers: Smooches as in Bisous!!]

Guinness Sow said...

Hey, this is the Internet, its unfortunatly taken the fantasy from most things.

No, this time I will not post links ;-)

Champagne Heathen said...

You have links to men's fantasies of me smooching Jamaloni. Well THIS link I would have to see!!

hee hee. Search away my boys. Search away.

Guinness "Confused" Porker said...

Champs, you might be right. I may just be confusing all of this with my dreams.

So the chicken medallions were good hey?

Champagne Heathen said...

Oooo, they were Gooood. So was the fillet actually. You are welcome to join me when I cash in on this free meal. Although, do not, like another friend, be mistaken that this means YOU TOO receive a free meal. You all can pay for yours. I was the one who endured the 'trauma', afterall!

Champagne Heathen said...

I think I might be disturbed that I might be in your dreams!

You def. do not want to be in mine - I have dreams about Nigerians out to kill me & my friends and family, before they play soccer against a dutch team. But Bono saved me in the last dream of this nature!

Guinness "Freebe" Porc said...

Free lunch? Never expected that, don't work for the government remember.

"Trauma" oh the pain of food that might have been dropped on the floor. :-)

Jam said...

Head massages are not kinky at all. Odd that. Not in certain contexts anyway. Now where's that wine...does it go well with chicken medallions.

Guinness "Day Dreamer" Swine said...

Sorry Champs, unfortunatly you not in my dreams.

Nigerians killing you and your friends.... just say no
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just_Say_No

I do know a good therapist to help you with the Bono thing though.

Champagne Heathen said...

Wine goes well with EVERY type of red and white meat :)

Guinness "Marsellus Wallace" Piggywiggy said...

Head massage, foot massage, its all good.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110912/quotes

Jam said...

Day dreams?

Champagne Heathen said...

Guinnie - actually, I think there are many people in this world who would be happy to have Bono in their dreams! He actually started off as Alice Cooper, but I reckon that's just cause my mind knows how good at golf Alice C is!

Guinness "Photo" Pig said...

I have even heard wine goes well with photographers.

An ACDC song comes to mind now....

Guinness "Back 9?" Sow said...

Golf?

Champagne Heathen said...

What the hll is going on!??! Exactly how many convos are we having at once?!?! Or have we merged some.

ACDC - thunder na na annnananananannana thunder.

No wine in there.

Photographers?!?!? OH!!!! Dumb photographer. Never gets my good side. AND I recall even having a photo with him, but did he put THAT photo up. NO!! He NEVER does!

Jam said...

I'm not pleased with photgraphers today. And I disagree, photographers should not be allowed near wine. Or me, when wined.

Champagne Heathen said...

Guinnie, HEY! Don't get disgusting on this here clean blog! You can just keep your back 9 to yourself!

Alice Cooper is nearly a pro golfer. He is brilliant. Not sure what that means to my sub conscious. My whole family likes golf. Maybe my family needed to save me. All in all, it would make one great mind-fck movie, that dream.

Guinness "No Good Side" Piggy said...

You think you confused, I am still trying to make sense of your dreams.

Think I will just stick to my day dreams thanks.

Jam said...

But WHAT are your day dreams? Do they involve Bono too?

Jam said...

I'm off to make a "tacky" fish pie.

Jam said...

Apparently it goes well with wine too.

Guinness "Golf" Pig said...

Disgusting? I know nothing of golf other than the 19th hole, and what I overhear in the locker room.

How is he a good golfer, his playes with Meat Loaf.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alice_Cooper

Guinness "Dream" Piggy said...

Dreams of Bono? No, lets just say mine are a bit closer to home.

Guinness Pig said...

Apparently Guinness goes well with fish pie too.

Jam said...

Is that guiness pig or guiness? Because if it's Guiness Pig, then it's no longer a fish pie although theoretically Guiness PIg could be considered a fish in light of the "There are many more fish in the sea" idea.

Champagne Heathen said...

Guinness goes well with fish pie?!? That could be read in a completely terrible way. "Terrible" be a term of perspective really.

You obviously don't watch enough golfing programmes. I don't even play the sport and I know he is loved for his sporting talent. While my dad only knows he exists because of his sporting talents!

I am changing the topic off your dreams...especially if they relate in any way to fish pie & guinness!

Champagne Heathen said...

Well, actually, Jamaloni, there currently is a Fisssshhhhh sssssshhhhhortage. So actually, there are not as many fish in the sea as that phrase once implied.

Guinness "?" Piggy said...

Just Guinness Jam, would never presume more.

Champs, golfing programs? Personally I am always torn between the infomercials for titanium based vacuum pans and the fishing channel.

As for my dreams, nothing that a cold shower can't cure.

Richard said...
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Jam said...
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Guinness "Fishy" Piggy said...

That can't really be a fish you're standing on, can it?

If it means I float, then so be it.

http://www2.blogger.com/profile/08599291461050529053

Champagne Heathen said...

Those fishing channels are all soon going to be cancelled, thanks to the global fish shortage.

We are still talking about actual fish right??

And to just pull all the strands together into one convo on one topic... Guinnie, a swim in a cold river, where you could also try to catch some fish, would work well too for those dreams!

Now I need to google "basic salad recipes", so if you will excuse me...

Jam said...

And I really need to make a fish pie.

Guinness "Coelacanth" Pig said...

Well there is always hope of discovering the thought to be extinct fish I guess.

Guinness "Mayor of Simpleton" Porc said...

Think I need to go have a smoke now. All this inuendo has confused me. Just too damn fishy for my simple mind.

Jam said...

Your mind is not that simple, but smoking will make it simpler. Innuendo? What innuendo?

Guinness "Innuendo" Piig said...

All this talk of fish is making me hungry.

Think I am goning to get on my bike and get "Something Fishy"
http://fasa.symphonysoftware.co.za/fDetail/FranchiseDetail.asp?FID=127

Champagne Heathen said...

Who is standing on fish now?!?

You do realise we could've cont. this convo on this morning's email.

And yes, the innuendos have actually created about 50 conversations varieties.

Where is the closest shop selling ready-made salads?!?

Luckily I am the only one of the three current commentators that does not smoke...that is why I am so on the ball here! As usual!

Guinness "Salad" Pig said...

Champs that is too true. Guess posting here appeals to the ehibitionist in all of us.

Ready made salad? My guess would be Woolies hey. Make sure its organic :-)

Non smoker hey, well if things happen with Karma you might start soon too ;-)

Champagne Heathen said...

Mad boy.

And where is the closest Woolies to here!!?!?

I don't think I am Karma's type. Or rather that she is mine. But like smoking,you can never lay money down on not picking up new habits!...

Enjoy the cigarette, fish, & cold shower!

Smooches

Guinness "Woolies" Porker said...

Not sure where here is, but there are a few.
http://www.woolworths.co.za/caissa.asp?Page=ITB4_RHContext&Post=CO-Stores

Also never forget the 24 hour ones at the petrol stations.

Alas no fish for me :-( Glad to hear Karma is not your type. She may be older, but is by no mean foreign.

Champagne Heathen said...

You can't buy salads at 24 One-Stops! I found a Spar that never seems to close!

One day, one day somewhere along the distant line, I will prove to all of you I do not ONLY go for older foreign men! HA HA HA! I couldn't even type that with a straight face!