Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Actually Productive during Work Hours

My reasoning for posting only in the final stretch of the work day... I've actually been hard at work!! I TOLD you there was a new improved me right around the corner!

Or rather... I have been sitting in a most painful meeting in the Southern Pretoria Suburbs (Sunninghill). To occupy my time, other than maybe actually listening to people talk in circles & then repeat their circles, I sms'd my mates asking who too would like a crate of condoms.

I was in one of those buildings....free condoms, even the female variety, stashed in every last corner.

What I was able to conclude.... far too few of my friends are getting laid at this present time.

BUT if a foreign aid worker is thrown in with the deal, they're more than happy to shag away. The person does not even have to be lingual in English. They must just be hot.

I worry about my friends' standards. Makes me realise why we're mates.

I now have heaps of work to plough through, and rather blogs to catch up on ridiculously slow internet, so this posting is it.... Happy Afternoon Tea Time!

9 comments:

Chikita Nikita said...

Amen sister!So glad we speak the same lingo... Although, I had to refrain from responding to the "as hot as the free condoms"... lets see the free condoms first...and then we'll decide

Have a baby lizard in my office...now this is going to be fun...

ChewTheCud said...

Champers? Hard at work you say? This must be someone else? Have you hijacked champers blog? They'll steal anything in Joburg theses days.

So that was your impromptu sex survey then? Offer free condoms and whoever doesn't want isn't getting any. Maybe I should have lied ;P

Champagne Heathen said...

Nickita - I've told you before what a lizard means in some cultures! You best just make sure you are using the contents of that crate consistently & correctly!!!

[For anyone else - a gecko symbolises that a baby boy is going to be born soon]

Chews - No no, that would make the survey invalid, as my boss pointed out on the way back to the office. People had to tell me why it would be wasted on them. I would also have a validating follow-up question of the foreign worker. If they happily accepted this, I made the assumption that they are not getting any from anywhere at present.

Thank you for participating in the Champer's Survey! We are most appreciative & assure you that the information generated will be to the benefit of all!

Now when can I drop off that crate?

ChewTheCud said...

Ha - First I gotta find me a willing assistant. These crates you speak of don't use themselves up ;P

lordwiggly said...

Chews, one can always self-flagellate with your crate of domes. That way you can practise opening the packet and installing the condom correctly, target timeframe being 0,25 seconds, thus avoiding any break in activity (which could lead to a mood-killing conversation starting with "Are you sure this is a good idea?...")

Champers, don't you have a crate of female foreign aid workers for me? I promise I'll give them back when I'm finished ;o)

Champagne Heathen said...

Wiggles - or Chews can just buy the Pronto Condom!!

Please will someone actually buy one, use one, & report back. For the good (&fascination) of the population!

As for female foreign aid workers..funny you should mention that... This actually sparked a convo btwn me & my boss who said that apparently they do arrive here by the horny crateful. And in 1 place it became such a problem that the girls had to undergo the same HIV lectures they were meant to be giving!! Dumb chicks North West of the Atlantic border!

Chikita Nikita said...

Oh crap. Now I'm screwed! (excuse the pun) Off to Mozambique next week...plently of opportunity there...

DaveRich said...

Aha, but after decent foreplay she should be whipping it on for you in 0,5 seconds...

lordwiggly said...

What is foreplay?