Time Warped

So my deal from the weekend, without a full story, is that I found out about the death of a long lost friend. He died four years ago.

So one has to ask how good a friend could I have been, to discover only by chance, at a mate’s drinks, that he got hit on a highway many years ago.

Those close to him have held the funeral. Spread his ashes. Grieved. And moved on.

They have dealt with this. And I am four years too late. Ha ha, for other personal reasons with this story, that could be said for other reasons too!

And now, years onwards, as I am half way out the door to a Friday evening dinner, I turn around and say to someone, oh, but you must also know this guy. How is he doing? I always wonder about him.

The look that crossed over the guy’s face let me know before he had to tell me the story.

From then on, for the rest of the weekend, I went very contemplative. I dragged out every old diary and photo album. I found emails he had sent to me. And photos of him I pasted into holiday albums. Music of Cat Stevens he played on my guitar. Stories about what I had thought of him. How I rated him in the column of Hot Men from each December.

And Nice. Hot AND Nice were the top column to be in.

My criteria were quite simple back then, it seems.

I remember him making me giggle like a fool back in the day. And not just because he was the person to give me my first joint.

A mutual friend, who I broke the news to yesterday, found the article confirming his death. I can put a face to almost all the people the journo interviewed. Well, decade younger faces.

What does one think or feel. I had always hoped to see him again. Have at least one more goofy conversation. Every time I have been in that holiday town or been through his city, I have wondered how he was, where he was by then. Hoped to bump into him.

I guess there is no chance of that anymore.

I feel a lot of pain. A lot of sadness. Shock. After reading the article I have just sat staring. Luckily I got to drink yesterday evening, maybe. Strange emotions are in me, being confused by the time warp of it all.

How do you grieve a man you have not seen since you were sixteen. Not spoken to since you were eighteen. Who died too many years ago for your grief to be valid today. But made such an incredible impact on your life, when he was allowed to.

A mate just mailed saying, From now on....Google anyone you are thinking of and wondering what happened to them...