I just wanted to get through the next few months, sans thought and sans souci. Attend my last wedding for the year. Lie on some couch rented by the folks, consider for a solid minute or two about walking to the beach, but rather settling for a sterk GnT on the stoep. The rest of this year was finalised with exact plans of no thinking until holidaying, when I would commence contemplations of my life direction, my career progression, possible travel stints, and altered plans on being.
Thoughts of men, beyond the gratifying mutual use of an occasional one of you, are supposed to be off the cards for now. I still feel too comfortable in being happily single, unless some suitable man should traipse across my path. I have tossed my hands up in the air and turned from PR’ing that not all single people are desperately struggling to get themselves out of their current relationship status, and rather I chill into drinks bought by my coupled friends as they rally onwards. In fleets of loneliness… no, wait, I haven’t had one of those in a while now, I have too much fumbling about the head I am trying to silence.
I considered what happened to us, following my wine deluge, to be once off and laughably fun & memorable. It stinted me for a boozed Sunday evening. But I never expected to hear from you again. Then I did. And it was…passionate and delightful. And following the delight was when I broke the cardinal rule. I sunk into a “Sunday Morning” cuddle.
And you got into my head. Had me thinking. Dammit. That was disallowed for the rest of 2007.
But my conscious reasoned that with a day or two this silliness would pass.
So while waiting for the return of chilled single mode, why is it that I am hearing my most despised combination of male words from you?
Why I am left feeling rejected, when I didn't even beg to be accepted?
I didn’t even realise we had started as friends.
P.S. Though my ego was very sweetly boosted when I arrived at the office today & one of my colleagues looked up & in awe remarked, "Wow. You look gorgeous today". I have trained them so well.
P. P.S. In other news, the Department of Health is very much in existence & well populated. If you ever want to realise this, hold a meeting at your offices that continues over lunch. Excuse me, I have to now drive off in a panic to purchase food for twenty more-than-expected people.