Monday, March 29, 2010

Blonde & Blinding

It has come to my attention that every blonde twenty-something Australian girl is engaged.

She is not married, nor in an unidentified relationship, and most definitely not disastrously single. She is simply engaged enough to be throwing her left hand around like a loose window in a hurricane.

I’ve been standing on trams, involved in conversations at lunches, doing the most random of task within close proximity to these girls, when I look down and BHAM! Suddenly I am staring into the centre of the sun! Blinded! Stunned! What the hell is with all the glare & shininess!? Only to realise some massive rock has caught me at just the wrong angle. And it is attached to some blonde giggly Aussie explaining to a neighbouring stranger on what her colour scheme will be.

There is something so shiny about these rings. I think the term is “newness”. Like it was pulled on by the girl just an hour before. And every hand gesture being made since is to bring its existence to the world’s attention.

On Friday I was attending a particularly Femo-nazi luncheon (Yes, these things apparently really do exist. Shoot me now. More of “We the oppressed women…. Can you pass the latte… ooo I love your Gucci bag… RAAAH! Burn a bra!”) when I had yet another “Staring Straight into the Sun” moment courtesy of the giggly prada-clad girl opposite me at the table.

Acting dumb, giggly & arrogant – check
Blonde – check
Aussie – check
Couldn’t be older than me - check
Ring – check check where are my sunglasses check

I looked to her friend, to see if my growing theory really had merit. Also blonde, Aussie, twenty-something. And there too was some very shiny, very new, chunk of rock & gloss gold on her wedding finger.

I never noticed rings like this in South Africa. But then I didn’t live amongst the Natalians, where this trend is also fairly renowned.

And girls of all other hair colours never bring about this wonder & blindness. I have never thought to look at the wedding finger of any other girl. But there is something about the highlighted blonde, who seems dressed to impress a society mother-in-law, twanging away in her ‘Stralian voice that makes me think “This chick has to be engaged”.

Now for me just to start putting on my sunglasses before checking her hand in a test of my theory.


SonnyVsDan said...

i'll start taking notes and i'll report back.

i'll keep a tally.

do you think i can go up to them and say "i'm doing a survey, are you 20-something? oppressed? engaged? stupid..I mean...blonde?"

nothing is worse than coming into Singapore en route to Oz from an overseas trip and you are suddenly surrounded on all sides by the twang...i say that and I'm an aussie!

Louisa said...

Sounds like an epidemic. Having been there done that (sans the blond hair of course) I say let them have it if that's what they want.

po said...

Hhaha mysterious trend... maybe there's a rule that you have to dyeyour hair blonde if you get engaged?

Champagne Heathen said...

SvD - Any data yet? Granted I did have drinks with a blonde Melburnian 20-something last night and she is unengaged. Damn friends! Always able to prove one wrong!

Ha ha ha! to the accent - Howyadoin 'Straaaaalia! Mate!

Champagne Heathen said...

(Why did I hit SEND COMMENT then!?)

Louisa - But what about the glare! :P Naaa, happy for them & all. But I was suddenly startled by just how many people are fitting this description.

Po - I am off to purchase shares in all hair dye companies immediately!!

SonnyVsDan said...

hmmm well, i do know a blonde that demanded her boyfriend propose before her birthday in 4 months.

i've heard of so many people doing that. i've got my next post with that actually

Champagne Heathen said...

Ha ha! SEE! :P