It has come to my attention that every blonde twenty-something Australian girl is engaged.
She is not married, nor in an unidentified relationship, and most definitely not disastrously single. She is simply engaged enough to be throwing her left hand around like a loose window in a hurricane.
I’ve been standing on trams, involved in conversations at lunches, doing the most random of task within close proximity to these girls, when I look down and BHAM! Suddenly I am staring into the centre of the sun! Blinded! Stunned! What the hell is with all the glare & shininess!? Only to realise some massive rock has caught me at just the wrong angle. And it is attached to some blonde giggly Aussie explaining to a neighbouring stranger on what her colour scheme will be.
There is something so shiny about these rings. I think the term is “newness”. Like it was pulled on by the girl just an hour before. And every hand gesture being made since is to bring its existence to the world’s attention.
On Friday I was attending a particularly Femo-nazi luncheon (Yes, these things apparently really do exist. Shoot me now. More of “We the oppressed women…. Can you pass the latte… ooo I love your Gucci bag… RAAAH! Burn a bra!”) when I had yet another “Staring Straight into the Sun” moment courtesy of the giggly prada-clad girl opposite me at the table.
Acting dumb, giggly & arrogant – check
Blonde – check
Aussie – check
Couldn’t be older than me - check
Ring – check check where are my sunglasses check
I looked to her friend, to see if my growing theory really had merit. Also blonde, Aussie, twenty-something. And there too was some very shiny, very new, chunk of rock & gloss gold on her wedding finger.
I never noticed rings like this in South Africa. But then I didn’t live amongst the Natalians, where this trend is also fairly renowned.
And girls of all other hair colours never bring about this wonder & blindness. I have never thought to look at the wedding finger of any other girl. But there is something about the highlighted blonde, who seems dressed to impress a society mother-in-law, twanging away in her ‘Stralian voice that makes me think “This chick has to be engaged”.
Now for me just to start putting on my sunglasses before checking her hand in a test of my theory.