Disclaimer:
This is for those low travel days. When all you see is the shite and home could Only Ever Oh Definitely Offer Better (Ha!). It completely recognises that this is one-sided, unfair and probably a pack of misguided lies. Well. Not lies. But narrow-minded and not-really-revealing-the-whole-story. (Only some of it anyway). Because everyone is allowed narrowed-minded angry days where you just want to shout at your surroundings because they are so different to your comfort zone. And some days, your body, mind and soul just want comfort. Even citizens within their own countries have these days.... obviously, otherwise we wouldn’t have the extreme & despised form... The Expat.
#1. Aussie’s Free TV News
Aussie Free TV News is shite. It is shiter than shite. It is buried with its head so deep in the sand you would think the head had popped out somewhere else and might start reporting on the other side of the world.
BUT NO!
The free tv news is local, pedestrian, boxed-in and so lacking in intelligence it would make even SA tabloid journos cringe.
Example 1:
Monday night’s 6pm Prime Time News.
Item 3 is an “in-depth report” on how a handful of local Melburnians were charged $800 by a malfunctioning parking metre, instead of the usual $8. Interviews take place. Accusations that are not followed up on are made. Everyone shouts. And hysteria is created within minutes. About parking metres.
20 minutes later, somewhere near the end, within 30 seconds all done in a rush:
“An Ethiopian Plane Crashes & Kills About 90 People. But Next in International News. Are British Tabloids Right When They Report That Brangelina is On The Rocks. Stay Tuned For Our Award-Winning Current Affairs Show That Has a Special Segment On The Inside Story Of Hollywoods Hottest Couple”.
Sorry? What was that? Did I hear about a country other than Australia, Britain or the United States mentioned there?? Go back! Go back! Fkc it. Lose concentration for 20 whole seconds & there goes the world....!
It’s not that there is not news to report on this continent. There are boat loads of immigrants floating off the coast, the international world is funnily enough not that far off, Australians’ lives are being affected every day by global events. Rumours even have it there is some news-worthy stuff going on right here on this soil! But Sweep Away Sweep Away!
It’s not that this place is so “perfect” that a kangaroo’s death is all that can appear in the news (as happened yesterday!). This continent makes a conscious choice to not report on international political events... unless they take place in English-Speaking Western countries.
It makes life “Happier” that way.
Unless you are an International political scientists. Or just a broke global-minded person.
(I actually had a good Australia Day (sneaky b@stards like that!), so I’ll just make this list a regular segment and stop at #1 for now... Tongue In Cheek! It's Tongue In Cheek Ok!!!)
Showing posts with label Australia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Australia. Show all posts
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
An Ode to One’s New Home
Aussie land.
Home to the mate and the wombat.
Where men are hairy muscular men. Who then go riding around on pink buses called Priscilla.
A land where they play more Ozzie Rules than rugby [Fck. I have to learn a whole NEW man sport!?].
Where they claim they live in a desert. And as soon as you have a visa, they tell you that the winter is one sopping wet affair.
Where the women can guzzle down more beer than a Rhodes student showing off to a Maritzburg Down Down champion. And that’s just during the lunch break.
A land where the accent requires you to dislocate your whole jaw just to pronounce its name. Austraaaaaalier. Mate.
And mate, you gatta throw in a whole group on unintelligible words to be understood. Mate.
An island of dirty secrets & dirtier exploits with sheep.
Corks for wine. And flies.
Where the Brit queen rules ok.
And the highest mountain is walkable. [Even by my feeble standards].
With marsupials. Drag Queens. Billabongs. And cockatoos.
Where the dirty convicts only drive 70 kms.
And where they’d best accept two clueless kids on a mission for adventure.
Austraaalier Mate.
Home to the mate and the wombat.
Where men are hairy muscular men. Who then go riding around on pink buses called Priscilla.
A land where they play more Ozzie Rules than rugby [Fck. I have to learn a whole NEW man sport!?].
Where they claim they live in a desert. And as soon as you have a visa, they tell you that the winter is one sopping wet affair.
Where the women can guzzle down more beer than a Rhodes student showing off to a Maritzburg Down Down champion. And that’s just during the lunch break.
A land where the accent requires you to dislocate your whole jaw just to pronounce its name. Austraaaaaalier. Mate.
And mate, you gatta throw in a whole group on unintelligible words to be understood. Mate.
An island of dirty secrets & dirtier exploits with sheep.
Corks for wine. And flies.
Where the Brit queen rules ok.
And the highest mountain is walkable. [Even by my feeble standards].
With marsupials. Drag Queens. Billabongs. And cockatoos.
Where the dirty convicts only drive 70 kms.
And where they’d best accept two clueless kids on a mission for adventure.
Austraaalier Mate.
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