Wednesday, August 23, 2006


I hate chicks. I hate that chicks make huge issues over nothing. I hate that far too often irrationality reigns. I hate that when chicks meet you they are immediately on guard, wondering how you are a threat. My tactic is too appear not too friendly, not too sullen, pretty blasé rather and hope over a ten minute convo they will settle down. Like standing completely still when a barking dog charges at you, letting it first sniff your hand and speaking to it soothingly, before you go for tickling it behind its ear.

I hate that my chick character means that I get irrational at times. I know I am being irrational, that I am furious over the most bizarre things, but I cannot stop/ change myself no matter how much I think through it all. I was not raised to be a chick. I was raised by far too many men & a mother who herself was raised by far too many men.

I get irrationally angry because I am a chick. I go into my own head and think it out cause my guys raised me into this tactic. Occasionally I bitch aloud during my thinking, cause I am a chick. I get over it and move on because my guys ordered me into this habit, as guys hate to hear bitching. Some chick passes on my bitching, cause they’re a chick like that. And I get in shit. I try to sort it out, cause I am human. And everything gets blown out of proportion cause then there are at least two CHICKS involved by now. And things become beyond ridiculous. Honestly. Someone please pass the ten dozen eggs.

And right now I hate that a few petty issues in my living situation have me and my flatmate EMAILING each other & her asking does she want me to move out, rather than just sitting down over coffee, spending 10 minutes of saying, “You need to start contributing”, “Well you need to stop listening to the tv so early in the mornings” “Well YOU need to please tell your boyfriend to stop sleeping during his morning bath cause I need to actually brush my teeth”, who knows etc etc blah blah blahing etc. Then we can have a conciliatory tequila.


Bluddy chicks.


Revolving Credit said...

I've had to laugh thinking about some chick sniffing your crotch before accepting you into the pack.

However since you are approaching it from both a male and female perspective I think it is fair to say that you seem to understand the male confusion and fear surrounding such incidence of irrationality and conflict. That explains our dire need to go to the local pub and watch rugby.

Based on yesterdays post your male influence shows by having the local where you can just vegetate on your own without any outside or undue influence.

Guys generally wouldn't need this heart-felt conversation post simmering tension to clear the air, they'd probably just tell each other to 'fuckoff', maybe a slap or punch and both be back in the pub before kickoff time, best of mates once again. Fighting over whose round it is.

Champagne Heathen said...

Ha Ha, Rev, I sometimes feel it is as base and territorial as that!

I completely understand the male confusion. Now imagine that I spend a great deal of time confused with myself. I think it's only in recent years I've been able to say, "OH! This is one of those chick characteristics coming out in me, not that I am slightly insane".

I can quite happily have a quiet drink on my own at a bar. People in SA struggle to accept this though. A girl on her own must mean an easy lay, or so 1 guy once told me directly!

Wish I didn't need the heartfelt damage-control convos either, but it seems I do. Though maybe tomorrow I might post about punching a certain someone at a coffee shop this evening and then helping her to drink a tequila through her damaged jaw. Cause I am sweet like that. And because I am a bluddy chick!

fly said...

I must say that I agree with a lot of what you are saying CH...I would go out with my previous GF and she would be an absolute bitch just a the flick of a switch...she was never like this at home when i was with her....she would be as sweet as pie....Now take her out to meet some friends and she is the bitch from hell...

hehehe....its something that ive gotten used to doesnt bother me, so long as im not involved...but then thats exactly what a guy will say ;o)

Buzzing'Fly said...

Did someone say Tequila??

Ahh Champs, i feel you... have had many a moment when im like "AAAAGGGH", damn digsmate. Its tricky. So easy 4 guys, so complicated for girls.. or we just complicaye things.

Why cant we just get straight to the point, havea catfight and its all over and done..

Its one of lifes little mysteries... ;)

Buzzing'Fly said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Champagne Heathen said...

Yes see Fly, we can be bizarre like that! Also there is nothing more scary for a single chick than to meet up with a whole lot of couples and have to 'bond' with the girls of the couples. EVERYTHING you say gets miscontrued and glared at. But don't you DARE try to chill with the guys. Delicate situation handling is...

Buzz, I will pack you on that plane with a bottle of the mexican sauce!

Why do we have to complicate things? AND THEN we have to explain each another through our complications, and by then I have a headache.

Yes. This evening I will just slap her as soon as she sits down at the cafe table. Then she will slap me. Then we will crash and strangle our way around a cafe. It will be out of our systems, and we will be kicked out of the cafe. Simple & easy, really! I am always up for a good gentle fight...cause I was raised by men like that.

fly said...

Sounds just like guys would do it...I tend to strangle them lets the person know you mean business... :oP

Champagne Heathen said...

Excellent! A lunge for the jugular it shall then be. Best I pick a restaurant with big waiters!

Buzzing'Fly said...

YAY! im so there chica..

just have it out tonight, slap each other around a bit and all that and it will all be groovy in the morn... ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Again, excellent post Champers.

I find many chicks too much admin for my liking. I also take time to get to know chicks for this very reason. Chicks seem to come with more hang-ups than men (I speak for myself too, of course.)

And sometimes, when this drives me mad, I spend a solid week just with my guy mates, to put everything back in balance.

Champagne Heathen said...

Good tactic! I will remember that one!