Wednesday, September 06, 2006

I was just holding them for my doctor

I hate medication. I NEVER take the stuff. My doc always resorts to extreme begging and bribery for me to even take the mildest aspirin. I just hate the idea of remedying everything with chemicals [Please Note: Tequila & Champagne are NOT chemicals. They are nectars of the gods.] At this time of year, I would rather shnarf a salt solution for sinus, than pop a sinu-tab.

My doc finally somehow coerced me into starting meds. He warned me that I will feel a few side effects when I start them, and to just bare through them and all will pass.


If he had told me the side effects were like this I would’ve been on these years ago!!!

I am as high as a kid’s freed helium balloon.

This is better than when we hotboxed a cellar in Bordeaux! Or when a varsity friend and I decided to skip the sieving stage of a magic fudge recipe, and ended up eating a large bowl of green fudge. (Ha Ha. I still love that memory. My 5ft tiny friend helping herself to her 4th overloaded plate at the buffet of her English Society’s very sober Medieval Ball, where we were dressed in her old matric dance dresses cause her stoned logic told us that’s how we would look medieval! They weren’t impressed. And I can’t say we were able to care.)

And this is all legal!

Currently I am just staring at colleagues. When I hang up the phone I have become uncertain as to whether the call went on too long, if I was failing to respond on time, or if it even happened at all. Apparently I am not meant to be operating heavy machinery, like automobiles, while feeling this “dizzy”. No more coffee needed, I feel like a pint of my blood has been replaced with Red Bull. Luckily my boss is out of town for the week.

AND in a few days I have to increase the dosage. By then I will be flying through the solar system! I will pass your condolences on to Pluto.

Not all of it is great though. I do also feel like I am training for distant-future morning sickness. I am living on black tea at the moment.

But now please excuse me, I am off to stare at dancing lights on my keyboard.

High as a bluddy kite.


Revolving Credit said...

So what medication are you taking to get you this spaced?

Champagne Heathen said...

Nothing too thrilling. I'm sure I'll blog about that long story in the next while, when I finally get ahold of some gravity boots.

Why? You want me to hook you up some?

Revolving Credit said...

Check my latest post, maybe we should send you a kit.

Champagne Heathen said...

Except that I am not allowed to operate any heavy machinery in this state.

Revolving Credit said...

Shit, move to another state.

Do vibrators count as heavy machinery?What about playstation?
The hand dryer in the bathroom?

So like what heavy machinery were you expecting to operate in the office? the photocopier?

Champagne Heathen said...

Rev, luckily I am safe and have no access to any of those in my flat! I just hope the toaster doesn't count, otherwise my dinner plan is ruined!

As for the office, the heaviest piece of machinery I operate is probably a stapler. And you just know you don't want any old guy whose flying high to be running around with one of those!

Dolce said...

Lucky lucky Champers! The last myprodols I was forced to injest made me feel all floaty...was rather delightful, really.

PS of course champagne is not a chemical....who's been spreading this nonsense?

PPS you have access to your old dance dresses - why did you not burn them? Mind you, they're probably almost ready for a rerun...

Champagne Heathen said...

Dolce, it is all very sad. The side effects have worn off!! I was lied to! They were meant to carry on for a good many days. sigh. Ah well, back to reality.

I don't think I have any of my old dance dresses. My friend kept hers though. How I fitted into hers I have no idea, but that's why they call it 'magic' fudge.

Buzzing'Fly said...

Ha ha flue tabs tend to do that.. the most stimulating are those non drowsy sinutabs.. ouch.

get better soon Bubbles..

Champagne Heathen said...

Buzzin, I will be back in shape in no time! Afterall, I have at least 1 farewell celebration to have with you...

Buzzing'Fly said...

For sure chica.. hola when u feel better and we make a plan for some champ and shake shake.. ;)