Thursday, September 21, 2006

Passport Panning

It seems that Zuma’s lucky break has got a lot of South Africans paranoid and double checking for where their passports are. [That’s a good point. Where is my passport?? I haven’t seen it in quite awhile. My brother has to have extra pages couriered over to him cause his is too full, while mine just reads like a Maputo version of that Groundhog Day movie]. So it got me thinking. If you had to up and leave South Africa IMMEDIATELY, and request political asylum somewhere….where would you go?

Zuma’s instatement as president is hardly grounds for another country offering you such status, so you have to imagine that your current passport(s) and visas all must participate in this little fantasy.

I guess I could head to the UK. We don’t need a visa to hop on a plane to there. But if one is going to fantasise, honestly, let’s at least put beaches into the picture. Also, I’d need a working visa and last time I checked, the UK was A-OK on the HIV side, no matter what those Londoner kids are up to behind the school bathrooms.

Maybe Maputo. I have loved my few “working” stints there. And any town that you can keep clubbing until past 8am has to be kick-ass enough to live in while you’re in your twenties. Unfortunately I don’t speak much Portuguese, and Buzzin’ is already off to the UK, so she cannot help me. Plus, considering I have made a concerted effort to learn the language of the Frenchies, and still am useless at it, it’s not like I will just pick up something more than ‘obrigado’ in rapid time.

Perhaps back to France? But as much as I love those little wine-swilling chocolate-and-pastry-overcombining Galics, I don’t think they like me as much sans Shengen visa. I can see Air France leaving me alone and cold on Oli Tambo’s tarmac without even an “Au Revoir”.

But luckily for me, Colonialism did one thing right – African countries speaking my languages – English with French just a skip across a border, development problems and diamonds. Ooo baby, bring the West Coast on! So should our little Zuma really start reaching for his machine gun, you’ll find me panning for diamonds in Sierra Leone, or maybe even Congo Brazzaville if I feel like a more adrenalin-packed day.

[I found the fascinating African diamond countries website via this M&G article about the upcoming Blood Diamonds movie, which I happened to see being filmed when I last was in…Maputo!]


Revolving Credit said...

Well Commonwealth countries kinda still dig us so besides the UK, theres still Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Singapore, The Bahamas, Botswana, Jamaica, jenya and a host of others...

St Kitts and Nevis is sounding quite appealing.

Buzzing'Fly said...

Ha Champs come to london... moz is cool too and if you an expat u can make sum good Mollah!! sure u will pick up the lingo pronto.. besides the men are rather fine down there, sure theyd be more than happy to teach u a thing or two..;)

Must say with this whole JZ thing, im pretty glad im outy for a while. Lets hope things improve on that front when i return... like he jumps off a building or sumthing

oops, is that mean.. *sigh*

Champagne Heathen said...

Oz likes us?? Last I heard you had to undergo 1001 tests, including HIV, and probably even IQ at this rate just to look in their direction.

Bots is a nice idea, but maybe a little too calm and all. Kenya would be fun, but how would my gay friends relocate with me then?? Oooo Jamaica...!

Rev, as difficult as it is to admit, I am unworldly wise...St Kitts??

Buzzin Babes, pushing him might be mean. Fantasising vocally such desires which maybe inspire someone is simply thinking natural thoughts allowed.

Tanned porto men who can dance brilliantly...if I can recall that 6th floor club...or was it the 8th floor??...along with beach restaurants, deserted seas just north, cashew nuts and coconuts, warm weather... It will be a tough alternative that would get my choice. See you in Mozam during your holidays! (That's if no one pushes Zooms)

Revolving Credit said...

St. Kitt and Nevis is a little island in the caribbean where you would probably would spend your days sipping rum cocktails, writing novels and looking fabulous in a laidback James Bond kinda way.

Champagne Heathen said...

And they just allow any old hooligan in there??!?!? This is looking promising.

Revolving Credit said...

Who know but its worth a try!

Champagne Heathen said...

Rev, maybe that'll be my present to you. We will try to hop the border (swim the ocean) to St. Kitts. Or even just purchase a coupla plane tickets. And I'll buy you several cocktails as we check out the locals and snooze in the sun.

You keen?

Revolving Credit said...

Gonna need to buys some armband, not sure I can swim that far!

Champagne Heathen said...

Or a lilo and you can float there. Just bring suncream!

Revolving Credit said...

How about a papsak or 2??

Champagne Heathen said...

To float on or suip on?? I would get nervous that if we floated on them we'd be swimming drunk before we even hit open water.

But Rev, it's your birthday request it, you get it...within liberal limits.

TwoFlower said...

please can i tag along....?

Revolving Credit said...

If you fill a blowup doll with wine, does it qualify as a papsak??

Peas on Toast said...

Easy Champs. I'd go to Cancun and live the rock star dream.

In fact, why aren't I there again?

But in reality, probably to the balmy shores of Vilankulos, Mozambique.

Champagne Heathen said...

2F - just pull up a lilo/ several papsaks/ blowup doll (Gender is your choice) and bob along with us!

Rev - whatever floats your boat ;)

Peas - exactly. What the bluddy hell are we doing here in offices when wide-open beaches and cocktails made primarily of tequila await us anywhere else???