Monday, November 06, 2006

Did ya miss me?!

Rumour has it that I am back online. I have heard this rumour before. Some time around 3.30pm Friday when 76 emails came crashing through.

A week and approximately an hour after I went offline.

I hurt my back slightly, but man, I toned my arms up gorgeously by carrying an entire office down the stairs, up a few hills, and plonked it all down in a sweet little suburb that I spent a good few decades of my life trying to escape. Ah well, life works in mysterious and poorly-humoured ways, I guess…..when one has no internet for a week, one has time to become reflective and philosophical.

And why have we not have internet for a week?!? So predictably, dear fcked-up monopolising unprofessional de-prided oil-tanker-slow TELKOM forgot to appointment our ADSL line when they gave us phone lines. Then stuck us at the back of a new queue. And now apparently have no record of our new reference number. Thank god for wireless. And please, dear god whoever you are, bring on the competition.

So did you all miss me? I did notice though all you lazy bastards didn’t even manage to post off any of the requested chocolates and bottles of champagne. Although our national postal system has been known to resemble our national bastard useless telephone company.

My week of technological-liberated life was a thrill a minute – caught up on sleep and food. Sushi. Mmmm. I did a lot of filing and deleting and paper tearing. And novel reading & FINALLY finishing “Life of Pi”. A great book. In my reflective opinion.

And then the weekend hit and I held my friend’s day old baby. My friend told me I pick up babies like a white chick. She then reminded me why adoption so sounds like the better option.

I played with 3 week old German Shepard puppies to choose two for a surprise xmas present. My family names our pets after shoes. Strange tradition, yes, but so be it. Have any suggestions??

Fell on my ass while dancing on a sopping tiled floor. It was sopping because a guy decided to slide across it on his knees with a flower in his mouth to give to his girlfriend on the other side of the patio. Luckily I had been suiping on punch throughout the day in anticipation of such silliness and the fall was softened by numb drunk nerves.

Kept Cheers’ing and Cheek-Smooching my friend goodbye. I have known her for as many decades as I have tried to escape this suburb. She’s off to swish her African summer away in an American winter. Fool.

Slept in my own flat on Saturday night….progress! Might have had something to do with having to see my father first thing on Sunday morning, and I like to preserve his denying image of me being a sweet innocent booze-free little pigtailed girl.

Then I went to Zoo Lake to drink champagne for breakfast and get stoned listening to friends play some excellent retro music. Although granted, when one is stoned most music does take on the appearance of being the next Bob Marley. Even the birds’ twittering & squawking sounded like heaven-inspired melodies.

Fly, don’t worry though, I was completely sober when I thoroughly enjoyed & was impressed by your tunes at Fuel CafĂ© on Thursday night!! Jam was sweet enough to escort me there to ensure I made it into NewTown alive and unlost. Thanks babe!

And there was more, but now I have to smack some internet technician on his head and say, it is all well & great to have internet back for random banter, but I need emails too, cause my boss is back in the office and expecting me to start working for my salary.

Ha, he needs to do more reflecting maybe, and make some enlightened ideas on what I really do during daylight week hours.


Anonymous said...

Welcome back. I'm glad to see you weren't idle in your absence. I can't believe you didn't get the chocolates, though.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back to the wonderful ADSL time wasting world of the internet...
Was a pleasure to see you off safely into town...

Anonymous said...

Hey champers. Glad to see you back. There has been a developement while you were gone ;) (himitsu)

My family names dogs after snack foods. If you naming yours after shoes I always thought Loafer and Winklepicker were pretty cool names.

Revolving Credit said...

Hey Sweets, missed ya last week.
You got unplugged and Peas went to some trade show.

Blogland was kinda calm for a few days there. (Calm not being my thing)

Shame, poor John/Jack! Did you at least leave him a note on the bed telling him that you couldn't make this weekends pyjama party.

Tell the boss it takes at least 1 full working day to read thru 1 weeks unread mail.

Champagne Heathen said...

Kyk - Aaah, you posted chocs to me! I will sit eagerly awaiting them at the postbox. I hope they don't take too long to arrive. It is raining in this town & I'd hate to catch pneumonia while I wait!

Jam - and I even managed to get out & home easily & uneventfully! Sometimes I just make myself so proud!

Chews - Yeah and congrats! Are you Chinese naming you animals after food?!? Good suggestions, will add them to the list to be inspected by the critical brothers.

Rev! You must have been suffering. So many puns & dodgy thoughts and no post to unleash them in!

I don't think pyjamas have ever been a feature in that bed ;) ...just full on clothing, thank you!

I wish my boss was normal like that and had a grip on reality and time, but he doesn't. He now wants me, internal-compass-less me, to draw a map to our new offices for visitors. Mad man!!!!!

Over an hour since IT guy ASSURED us that our emails were a minute away. Send/ Receive still telling me to bugger off, there's no mail. Bluddy IT!!!

Revolving Credit said...

So tell me where the offices are an I'll draw you a map.


Anonymous said...

i spose you could always choose oriental names for dogs. Call one of them baka then ;P

Champagne Heathen said...

Ah, but Rev, I left you a clue already...they're in the suburb I've tried to escape from...

Champagne Heathen said...

Baka? Someone mentioned that. I think. They spelt it differently. Now I am hungry. But I think it's because I missed lunch, not because of this current topic.

Revolving Credit said...

Blah,blah...yes, I know it's close to your parents house..trying to be more specific though.

So, you gonna pop home for lunch now? Seeing as it's round the corner. Did this influence your move plans back with the folks?

Anonymous said...

Stil and Letto
For your dogs names.

Anonymous said...

Good to have you back, Champers!

That's all from me. Deadlines to meet or ignore... haven't decided yet.

Revolving Credit said...

Hey, if you're naming dogs after shoes, how about : Left and Right?

Champagne Heathen said...

Ha, Rev! You're off the mark. My last office was actually closer to the folks. But yes, the office move did influence my decision to move back in with them...if the office had stayed in walkable distance there is no chance I would've given up my prime position.

Jam - oooo, I like your thinking! Although I'd pity the pup called Stils.

Koeks - you surely know my answer on that! Ignore away!

[Still no email. My boss has told me to freehand draw the map now and stop wasting downloading space by internet searching it. None of our visitors will ever make it here...excellent...fewer meetings!]

Champagne Heathen said...

Shoe brands or types!! Not 'wearing' instructions!

Anonymous said...

Do It


Revolving Credit said...

Do you need instructions to tell you which foot to put the shoe on??

I thought it was obvious??


(When they label then wrong, don't your feet hurt?????)

Anonymous said...

C'mon champers - get creative. maps are easy enough - just make sure to include a major landmark or road.

shoe names or types huh? strop, slop, mule, pump (peas would suggest that), sneaker, or how about designers - jimmy and choo springs to mind. gucci and prada...

Champagne Heathen said...

Well, we've had Nike & Mali & Galosh & Veldskoen, Pantoffel, Catepillar (our cat), Crochet, Takki, and Gucci.

That last one was always amusing to be shouting. You know you're in the Northern Suburbs hear your neighbour shouting "Gucci" incessantly.

And of course, Zola Budgie Barefoot [surname].

Rev - why do you wear shoes that are labelled "Left" and "Right"?? Where do you buy such shoes from!!?! ;p

But Chews, we are located in the heart of landmarks, so surely then we don't need maps. We just tell them the landmark and they head west...or east...or north. But no! Apparently not!

Ooo Jimmy Choo was who I was trying to think up earlier. I am not naming a dog "Choo" or "Barka". It just gives them ideas and liberties!

Anonymous said...

lol - jimmy chew :P

Anonymous said...

I mailed you btw, but see you have no mail. *sigh*

Revolving Credit said...

from the same place that sews my name tags into my underwear..where else.

..helps when found drunk and passed out in the gutter.

Cookie Monster said...

Haaa Haaa.... slow tanker.... great... well at least you up and going so we shall see some more!

Champagne Heathen said...

Chews - cute name for the brother pup!

Jam - I do believe I am back online and back on email!! mygod. Strange

Rev - I'll remember that for future situations. Although I don't fall asleep in gutters...just in strange HOT coupled men's beds!

Cookie - we'll wait and see. Let's not get ahead of ourselves here and think that the technological problems have actually been solves...good chance they have just been pasted over for now.

Anonymous said...

Sodding Telkom. Don't get me started :)

Welcome back - Missed you.

Dolce said...

fcked-up monopolising unprofessional de-prided oil-tanker-slow TELKOM


Welcome back Champers darlin'...I thought of you this weekend, as I drank bucket loads of the sparkely stuff. 'licious!

Champagne Heathen said...

O-D - Telkom still have not arrived. Over a week & several hours of telephonic "elevator music" later. And still we wait.

Aaah, thanks for missing me & for the sweet comment on a previous post about my grin!

Dolce - Excellent!!!! Great to hear you are living the good life, and keeping me in mind through it! Doesn't it just make you grin just tasting the stuff!!? Cheers to you!