Monday, October 30, 2006

Weekend Offline

I would just like to thank Café Vida for existing, and being opened so near to me. On my last day of four months of doing the unheard of…walking to work…I could not have been happier to have the dear place on my drenched sleep-walking path, as the office coffee machine is now packed away & awaiting movement. And, one just has to love that when you approach the counter, all the staff shout in unison, “Hello Princess”. Aahhh, excellent Monday morning greeting. Their double café latte is all that is getting me through at the moment.

So apparently we will be only be offline in 9 minutes – read at least another two hours.

Coffee wearing off. Thoughts becoming stunted again. Weekend – exhausting and too little food and eating involved.

WINEX….excellent…friend made me eat cheese into 2nd hour…cause that fills your stomach??...reuniting with longlost family friends and varsity friends and ending up behind at least one stall & spilling wine across another stall’s stack of pamphlets…friends leave me as I said I will be having drinks with another friend….keep drinking wine with winemaking friend I harassed in France on his employer’s Chateau back in 2005 till he departs for a dinner hosted by his rep, promising to call post-dinner (he called at 3.15 ready for a drink or two with me?!?!)…get stopped by friend of friend who decides to discuss how hot my mother is & he has been in love with her since he was 10 – disturbing…phone Another Friend to say I am ready to meet him for drinks. He says he can’t. I took too long to phone him & so he has arranged an internet date. I GOT DITCHED FOR AN INTERNET DATE!!?!?!?!?!.....make some strange man who is in process of downing a bottle of wine fill up my glass as I wander loudly on phone through Sandton lost & confused….refind
Jam, who by this stage of knowing me must think I am completely cooked… parking ticket expires during meandering to car….cause a scene at ticket booth so to not be asked any questions and make guard think, “Just get the insane chick out & away asap”….head to Melville where everyone knows my name…bump into Confused Gay Friend who is on a blind date he doesn’t want to be on so makes me entertain Blind Date while he flirts with some cute guy…meet a ballerina who compares flexibility with me in middle of Statement….realise that, man, I am one flexible chick thanks to yoga!...though don’t think it impressed any of the patrons with how good I am at the splits. They were loving the ballerina guy though….fall asleep, as always, in the leather chair with glass of red wine in hand…head home and to bed…Friday finished.

Wake up ready to eat ANYTHING…nothing in house…1 croissant later….Moyos for friend’s birthday drinks….bowl of chips…martinis….wine….join wedding reception that has taken over other half of Moyos….get spotted at kiddies’ table, cause they were such noisy brats…run…head to Colony for more drinks with some darling new friends from cyber world…and more drinks with old friend spotted there who has befriended a cute Canadian with an Irish accent…odd….head to a braai that has run out of meat, booze, electricity…eat stale roll…add chips to spice up roll…didn’t work…fall deeply deeply asleep for hour in deckchair…wake up to crowd cheering that I moved…get told to sleep on couch…no, heading home…receive call on way home that Colony is about to be attacked…great, see you there….hot sweaty maddening Colony…dance insanely…steal people’s songs which I didn’t know how to sing, but still “managed” to sing…saw the ceiling when friends lifted me up and carried me about…tried to look under friend’s kilt…listened as kilted friend gave random young guy advice on how to score….had random young guy come up to me later to try out moves…pat him on head and dash….Canadian posing as Irishman or vice versa arrives…boxing match with HOT HOT friend, which I lost, but his friend held him down so I could seek revenge… AND THEN….back to my usual Saturday night spot….3 weeks in a row fall asleep in HOT HOT man’s bed. Sans cuddling. Saturday finished.

Woken up at fcking 7am. I am never sleeping there again! Me & friend dancing in car on way down Nicol to drop off random guy who joined us back at the digs….taxi hoots…uh oh…driver starts dancing with us. Yeah man!! Dance dance dance….back to flat to sleep…Up again to shower and move ass to Sunninghill to see friend’s kid & try not to throw up, then to a braai….stop at Woolies for first meal that w.end…piled high with stuff…uh, oh, T, I have no money, and I have no bank card, and I don’t have the address of where I am going to, I left it all in my other bag…T has R20 left and tells me to phone Braai Friend…but I don’t have Braai friend’s new phone number…but it will be ok…somehow….Took bluebearded pirate’s advice to his golf team at 7am…focus…maintain focus up M1…. Somehow….saw kid…didn’t throw up or pass out on couch….find braai. Don’t ask. I just rock. I am a human compass, with a sweet grin…again realise in life that there are people in this world who don’t party like me or my friends do….shocked and try to stop relaying memories from previous night as it seems to be disturbing them…. Chilled braai, still hungry though…head to a pool party as sun sets….head to my couch with a pizza by 8pm….pizza untouched. Me asleep on couch. Sunday finished.

And now I am going offline.


Peas on Toast said...

Dude, high intensity, non-stop fun weekend you had dollface! Glad to hear you made a mark at the Colon as well, and had young 'uns hitting on you. ;)

Anonymous said...

Wow, talk about a whirlwind of a wonder you never got time to eat!

How you never got to eating the pizza I don't know...those wafts just make me dive into that box & devour them yummy tasting goodies stacked all so deliciously together!

m said...

canadian with an Irish accent is odd???

Girl, you should hear my accent! People on the phone mistake me for a Filipina!

Sorry I've been neglecting your blog lately. I'm still stuck in divorce hell over here.

Revolving Credit said...

"Stop briefly, breath, get some food in ya belly, regain composure, review environment, spot potential victims, repeat to your self :'Easy, not Cheap'. Continue."

You need to take at least 2 or 3 of these momentary timeouts over the weekend.

So how is jack/john doing? maybe you should just leave some jammies there for next weekend(assuming his g'friend doesn't mind).

So how far is your office moving? Will you still be able to walk to work or are you going to have to drag yourself out of bed earlier and drive to work?

Anonymous said...

Try as you might, I refuse to see you as there!
And we've spoken about the Sunday morning thing. Tut tut.

Anonymous said...

At least you've left us with plenty to keep us going until you get back.

Anonymous said...

it is a very sweet grin...

fly said...


Champagne Heathen said...

Peas - every week I tell myself I am not going back. Every week I disprove myself. sigh.

Kabs - Oh don't worry - it still made for an excellent Monday lunch!

Montchan - What on earth does a Filipina sound like? Well, you, I guess.
No worries about the neglect & GOOD LUCK for finding your way back to heaven...or purgatory.

Rev - I tried my best to take your advice this weekend. I got as far as Saturday lunchtime before there was a coup by chaos.

Well done on working out my hints. Very sadly it is back to the traffic and bad morning radio in the car again. It was a wonderful wonderful 4 months though.

Jam - HE IS NOT GAY!!!!!!!!!!! But yes, he isn't single either, so I will find some other bed to snooze in soon.

Fly - ha ha! That took me a good while to read though. Well done for last thursday!