Wednesday, November 15, 2006

How times have changed

Yesterday I went with 3 colleagues to visit another colleague/ friend in Soweto. (She just had a baby boy. Ridiculously cute! I was quite content...until talk of how the labour went. Ow ow ow. Ewwww). My colleagues are black, 2 from SA & one from Zambia. I am white. I had to drive because, to quote, "You know the area best".

And I did. We had a map book, which we didn't need. All she had to say was 4 streets after "Mudjaji Street" (sp?) & I was situated.

The last time I was in Soweto, for a friend's birthday, my friend's elderly aunt came up to me out of the blue & gave me a massive hug, and that was it. When I asked, "WTF?" I was told she was just so happy & amazed to see white people in the townships. And everyone so chilled & happy together these days.

Can you imagine - that aunt probably recalls polisiekops & riots, late night raids & fear. Now she sees a young white chickie pull up on her ace @ sunset, with a six-pack of savannas & a need for a good braai, pap & atcha (sp?), & dancin'!!

Can you imagine how surreal THAT must be for her!

P.S. If this post establishes anything, it is that I might know where to find all things SA, but I definitely don't know how to spell them!!

P.P.S Guys, other than never having to go through labour, you can also be grateful you probably never have to be part of convos about it. Never hear words & phrases like "Tearing from here to here", "Stitching", "He was so big, they thought I was having twins", "Left my feet in the air while they...", "Then the doctor had to insert....", "I am going to sue them because they wouldn't even give me an epidural", "You're next" (AAAAAAAAAHhhhhhhhhhhh), "The worst part was when...." no, I think I will stop there!

I need an epidural just to get through those convos.


Anonymous said...

when you listened to your dad passing a kidney stone and then check the size of the boy out - i think thats one of the scariest things a guy can look forward to. you opting for caesarian then champs?

Champagne Heathen said...

I have never listened to such things. My dad drinks enough water! Plus, passing kidney stones is not one of those societal demands placed on men.

No. I just couldn't do an unnecessary caesarian. Hell, I can't even take medication heavier than a panado, so I wouldn't be able to not go as natural a route as'll find me in a rice paddy field on my labour day!

Anonymous said...

rice paddy field? water to water birth? trè bizarre

Anonymous said...

I've spent so much time in Soweto, Alex and numerous other townships filming stuff, so I know my way around. I have never been on my ace though!
And the idea of giving birth scares me near to death...

zuzula said...

a friend of mine had a SIXTY HOUR LABOUR. i could feel my ovaries shrivelling as she told me about it.

no thank you!

Peas on Toast said...

If I ever found myself incubated with child, give me drugs not hugs. Give me anything that can knock out an obese yak for two days.


Anonymous said...

lol - now you know why madonna adopted one ;P

Champagne Heathen said...

Chews - yeah, too bizarre those methods! I'll just stick to the shouting & swearing & ready to kill doctor & the father!

Jam - I know. It is strange how it has all changed. What I was taught about Soweto then & why I couldn't go & stay over at my friends' houses there. And now... It's GREAT to realise.

Aaah, and come on, I want a little Jams to corrupt like the great godmother I'd be!

Zuze - 60 hours!?!?!? Someone pass some smelling salts. I think I am going to faint from the idea of THAT pain!

Peas - ha ha, now I am just imagine you as a yak having just given birth!!

Naaaa, you gotta be awake for when they put the little kid on your chest for the 1st time. Apparently they do this even before they've taken your feet out of the stirrups!! My friend refused to take the kid until she looked semi dignified. Can you imagine greeting your kid for the 1st time like that...although, granted that probably how he was made!

Chews - oh trust me, I realised the celebs' intelligence in this area AGES ago!

Anonymous said...

i must say, that's fairly brave of you. after dark in townships isn't safe no matter what colour you are.

my job takes me into the townships too. my white friends rag me as to how white i am, can you imagine how much i "glow" when i'm out there. i'm also the only white person that works at a BEE company. just call me "token"

that must be very strange for the older generation. i can't imagine what they went through wiff da polisie man of the apartheid days.

Childbirth. all i can say is good luck. i'll never understand the pain, and pretending to sympathise is only going to get me into more trouble. weed should be legalised for it :/

Anonymous said...

champers the baby not gonna care what you look like. that first moment is supposed to be about bonding, synchronising hearts, temperatures, yaddayadda. one of those beautiful moment things ;P (this is me being sensitive ;P )

Anonymous said...

I think I've made my stand point on breeding perfectly clear.

If I ever raise a family, it'll be because I've been allowed to adopt a child. I don't want to bring one into world (for population and your mentioned labour reasons!)

Climbing off my high horse now... Bareback riding hurts my tush.

Anonymous said...

koeks - i like you and i wanna still be a friend - so i reserve the right to not comment on your last comment ;P

Champagne Heathen said...

O-D - I am still very aware of what is going on around me, and leave at a sensible hour soon, and drink reponsibly and all. There is some intelligence & anxiousness still left in me! somewhere.

Hmmm...getting your kid high on pot before popping him out. We'd both probably lose the motivation to push & just giggle him out of there.

Chews - I don't care what the (still blind) baby will think. I very much care how I will be sprawled to the world one moment too long!! There is a time for exhibitionism & a time for prudence. Post-painful childbirth is a time I can imagine you'd like just a TOUCH of privacy!! (Jaaaa...very male response of yours there!)

Koeks - my kids are all yours!!

I am also puzzled over Koek's riding comment. But one version of it is sure to keep you pregnant-safe!!

Anonymous said...

You can avoid the whole sticky business by getting one off-the-shelf at Babies 'R' Us. Just ask Madonna.

Champagne Heathen said...

Aah, but Kyk, I am an old-age chickie at heart. I will just have to pop at least one out the FAR FAR future!

Revolving Credit said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Revolving Credit said...

Get some babypowder - just add water and leave to set.

Champagne Heathen said...

Ha Ha! Rev, I will try out your experiment tonight & report on it tomorrow. ALTHOUGH...if it does work, does that make you the dad??

Revolving Credit said...

Why, am I supposed to provide the water?

Just mix the babypowder with a sprinkling of Chardonnay.

(best not to use tequila else the kid will turn out to be a hooligan)

Champagne Heathen said...

Well, someone has to be the kid's father, and it will not be the guy who packaged the baby powder!! Maybe the guy who made the Chardonnay.

I think any kid that is born via me will get a smattering of tequila in them! It has merged with my blood.