Friday, November 17, 2006

I went back to the ManHunt last night

Bad – Manhunt on a Friday night
Worse – The same hellish establishment on a student-night Thursday (Think badly parked cars everywhere & kids still bearing esteem issues creating even greater acts of self-importance)
Worst – That den of iniquity on a student (*cough* kiddies)-night Thursday when Matrics have just written their last exams & varsity students are on holiday in their droves.

Even the normal frequenters approached the club, stopped, and gasped, at the chaos & amount of people.

Once in, hell, I was in what can only be described as paedophile heaven. I stood in a corner of the foyer trying not to make eye contact, for fear of what the small ounce of my surging female testosterone might do if I heard one dumb remark or had one disgusted glare, or that I may be called ugly again – as I was wearing ankle-length pants (Madness! How conservative am I!) & donning my own hair colour.

Now before a single one of you shakes your head at my self-destructive behaviour & starts ranting back, I was there on a mission. The plan was meant to take me at most an hour from my local pub, via this joint 20 minutes away, and for me to be on my couch just in time to watch my addiction – Week Nite 11pm Sex & The City rerun.

I wanted my jacket back.

Mission accomplished! Never underestimate my powers of persuasion, even when being jostled around by oblivious brats. (Can you just imagine me as a 90 years old – I am going to be one grouchy cursing bitch always muttering “Bluddy kids”)

For all the hell I give that place, their staff are just great & treated me sweetly and helped out instantly. Thank you very much guys!! -Mr. Bouncer Man let me speak to him as soon as I’d gently manoeuvred my way to the doorway (“Let the geriatric through! Old lady coming through!”), dear Thomas-behind-the-counter, who had to ply through 1000 small black jackets to find mine, and the manager is even do-a-double-take cute (I think it was the accent) AND witty AND intelligent. Although, when standing next to that clientele, the same could almost be said about dear George W!

As I was leaving, I nearly got into a fight with a BMW driver for tearing down my lane, directly at me, oh cause you know, if you drive a BMW, what are road rules!

Never ever again. Now I am done with that suburb. Thank you & goodbye.

Well, not never… Teazers is their neighbour after all. (Eugh, don’t even get me started on the clientele I saw entering THAT joint as I drove past! Shame, those poor strippers! I hope they get the occasional hot younger man squandering his money there).

On another, possibly Manhunt-related, story….Sms convo yesterday morning:
Strange number: Sorry who this
Champs: Why? I don’t know who you are either.
Strange number: Ya I have your number under very sexy chick
Champs: HAHAHAHA. That sounds like me!

Our IT guys came to the office yesterday afternoon. We are no longer receiving emails since their visit and the internet is now S L O W. Fcking I.T!!! (Well, obviously not YOU dear I.T. blog friend!)

P.S. I made my first 101 comments on a post!! (Last Friday's post) Congrats to me & thank you all for bantering away about randomness that made it possible. Granted it didn't all happen in one day, but baby steps. Sorry Rob & MG if this makes you feel anymore inadequate, it's just that I have better cleavage!

49 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think going to Madhatters on a thursday student (prepubescent) night is unforgiveable. I would've written the jacket off to bad debt.

And you do have better cleavage.

Jam said...

You were warned once, and while I understand that the jacket was a pressing issue, personally, I would have just walked away and called it lost rather than have to face bluddy ManHunt.
I really feel for the Teazers strippers - while they make good money, I would hate to have that kind of clientele drooling over me. I've heard that most strippers are drug addicts - something to do with trying to cope with long hours and awful men.

Revolving Credit said...

Did you just admit to being a paedophile?

Do you carry a bag of sweeties where ever you go or do you just flash the young boys your..umm..puppies?

Jam said...

Oh dear. We're back onto puppies.

Daedalus said...

Number under... "very sexy chick"? Hahaha...!
Did someone say Teasers?

Jam said...

D - Is that what you're doing with your weekend??

Peas on Toast said...

Dude you went back to the Manwhore?? I suppose you must have a very nice jacket, jackay.

Champagne Heathen said...

Koeks - it was like dare. Either they won, or I did. And I was NOT letting a place like that win!!!

Plus the jacket is my 1 & only smart jacket, & considering how bad a shopper I am, it would take me another 6 months to getting around to finding a decent work jacket. I think I will bill my company for damages incured.

Ah, and thanks for checking out my cleavage!

Jams - I had something to prove! I can be stronger than them!

It makes me shiver thinking about such men oggling up close at some hot chick's poen. I also would take heavy narcotics!

Rev - no, cause I said I was in HELL there, which I described as a place that would be HEAVEN to a paedophile!! Ha!

My puppies are fairly exclusive, so I lure them simply with my winning smile. And ability to use my own money to buy drinks.

Jam - and don't you just love us for it :)

Champagne Heathen said...

Daed - I know. Even when severely under the weather, it is good to know I still appear damn sexy. Although, one 1st needs to ask, how under the weather was he. It also makes me nervous because if I put the number into his phone it meant I didn't want him to have my name....and if so, why not!?!?

Peas - Very nice. Plus fairly expensive. Plus I have a low bank account. Plus I was not gonna let the Mandog beat me!!!

Daedalus said...

Jam.
No, I have no plans for the weekend ...
(Not really a Teasers fan) ;)

Jam said...

I think I need some help here from Daytripper on this topic...

Daedalus said...

Champs,
I'll be sure to remember to ask for your number when we one day meet up. I'll then file it under "sexy-blogger"

kyknoord said...

It reminds me of a (readily adaptable) old joke.

Q: What's seven meters long and has no pubic hair?
A: The queue outside the ladies toilet at Manhunt.

Champagne Heathen said...

Jam, what are you asking DT fpr help about? Your puppies??

Daeds - aah! Good stuff! :)

Kyk - HA HA!! If I do ever end up there, by some miracle of satan, I think I will loudly mutter that while waiting for the bathroom! I might never live to see the next tequila, but it would've been worth it!

Jam said...

The mere fact that they're being referred to as puppies is somwhat disturbing. I mean, last I checked, I was sure they were a BIT bigger than that!

Revolving Credit said...

Jam - Seal pups maybe??

Jam said...

That sounds droopy. :-(
I may not be a ManHunt attending pre-pubescent but I'm not THAT old.

Champagne Heathen said...

Hold on - we are still refering to Jam's nipples?? Or have we moved on to the entire breast?? Jam, I really really hope your nipples are not seal pups!!

Robert@iScatterlings.com said...

Jy is mos 'n Manhunt slet!?

I do believe this is what you want me to do,"..this is where you go to my blog, read my posting, and tell me something like of course that guy saved my number under “Very Sexy Girl.."

CORRECTION:

,"..this is where I come to your blog, read your posting, and let everyone know that I think you are an ultra gorgeous, outrageously sexy, supremely sultry and a mysterious wench with the intelligence and humour to die for and lastly, all men must save your tel number under "ULTRA-SENSUOUS SEXY SEXY WOMAN WHO OUTSEXES ALL OTHER WOMEN ON THIS PLANET".

I cannot believe that 10,000 men are not fighting for the right to take you back to a ball or out for a decent dinner !!

Daedalus said...

Really Rev, I starting to think that only you can get away with *it*. ;)

Jam said...

Ooooh. Rob's doing well. Hire him!

Daedalus said...

Rob,
Maybe the *10,000 men* have no idea who Champs is...

Robert@iScatterlings.com said...

Daeds
"Maybe the *10,000 men* have no idea who Champs is..."

When Hanibal crossed the Alps with Heffalumps the Romans never knew what they were until they lined up in front of them and tried and tried to hurt them with little pointed sticks!

The Romans were overwhelmed and to this day rue that they never got to know wildlife properly!!!!

Now I am not saying Champs is a Heffalump. I am saying she is ULTRA-SENSUOUS SEXY SEXY WOMAN WHO OUTSEXIES ALL OTHER WOMEN ON THIS PLANET and no doubt can break meany a man's heart because they do not know she is not wildlife but has her head screwed on the right way!

So, Champs go line the men up and break their hearts girl!!

Daedalus said...

Rob,
Best I use my Degrees of Separation to get to Champs then!
(I see there is only 1 degree between Daedalus and Champs :o ).

Revolving Credit said...

Why, does D also think that he is an ULTRA-SENSUOUS SEXY SEXY WOMAN WHO OUTSEXIES ALL OTHER WOMEN ON THIS PLANET?

Daedalus said...

Rev,
Hahahahaha!
"ULTRA-SENSUOUS SEXY SEXY WOMAN"?
AK!
No ... I am just a guy with a fragile ego like you Rev ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Champs, I'm not buying into this 'ULTRA-SENSUOUS SEXY SEXY WOMAN WHO OUTSEXIES ALL OTHER WOMEN ON THIS PLANET' story.

So post some pics of your puppies and prove me wrong.

D- stop drooling :)

Daedalus said...

Only Rev would get away with that.

Nah ...
Not drooling Revo.

I do think you are starting to sound curious though Rev. ;)

Jam for Champs said...

CHAMPS SAYS:

FCKING INTERNET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A CURSE ON ALL ITS OFFSPRING!!

Jam - "Hire him"?? I might just ask to marry him!! I could get very used to a guy always talking to me like that!

Rob - EXCELLENT Reply! *SMMMMOOOOOOCH* for that!

It seems you might require very little training on this commenting front! Except for the part where it gets a little dodgy on the heffalump analogy, but I think you pulled yourself out nicely.

I'd feel a bit bad breaking so many hearts. Can I just toy with them a bit? The men that is, not the hearts.

Revolving Credit said...

Curiouser & curiouser

Daedalus said...

... and more curious'our.... and more.... ak!

Best Champs "toy" some more ey Revo

Revolving Credit said...

Not sure when we changed the plot of todays post but some how Jam's nip managed to give us the slip :)

Daedalus said...

Champs,
PS: Had time to think about it and it almost always come to the same answer: I am as easy as a grade 1 math equation - toy on ;)

Revolving Credit said...

I'd be careful says that.
I think that Grade 1 these days may be doing Calculus and Applied Maths.

Jam said...

Gave my nipple the slip???
Anyway - poor Champs is suffering from no internet at the office. Has mail, bit has no internet - hence her absence.
So was there anything anyone else wanted to say?
*evil grin*

Champagne Heathen said...

Finally this bluddy internet works again, just as I am getting my savanna...

Daeds, the problems comes in that by the time I leave the office the plan is to for me to be able to place my feet one in front of the other in a repetitive forward moving cycle, so Grade 1 maths may elude me. However, if that is the case, and Grade 1 is calculus...bring it on! I won't think I could do it, but I know I would be arrogant enough to think I could!

Rev - slippery little buggers those pups of Jam's!

And give me a week or 2 & I'll be sure to post a pic. My puppies are just growing a bit in time for summer! :)

Champagne Heathen said...

HA! Sorry for you Jam! You cannot just abuse my comment space, I am always around! ....actually I have a drink getting warm somewhere. Please excuse me for awhile....

Jam said...

And here I was, ready to cause havoc. Oh well, that will have to wait until later then I guess. I am also out of here...

Robert@iScatterlings.com said...

Puppies, heffalumps or noombies - if they are Champs's pair they will be more gorgeous, more the bestest sexiest,aluringest boob than Lindt Chocolate whirled over the tips of the most sensuous pair you menfolk can bring your two braincells to recall from Hustler or Playboy!

Robert@iScatterlings.com said...

In other words - Champs is best in all respects and aspects and curves and things.

So there!

Dave said...

OK, I am coming back to Joburg in December and I am gonna put you all in one room (we'll have to fly Rob back) and record the conversation, make a podcast and post it!

Then we're gonna organise a VIP room where Daeds can spin the tunes and compere, Jam and Champers can get up and dance with white t-shirts on whilst Rev, Rob and I can park off with water pistols and enjoy the show. Get in!!

Robert@iScatterlings.com said...

Ooooh water pistols??! Yummy!

How Web 2.0!!!

Daedalus said...

Okay Champoo,
I just got home from the Jolly and I am now as easy ad fresh milk in the fridge. I mean, I just spent 2 hours chatting up a cute girl from Bloem called Mel, ak!.

Daedalus said...

ak , I meant *as* ak! ...
too much dop methinx

Robert@iScatterlings.com said...

Flights to JHB details please. Also what recording kit do you use Dave?

Daedalus said...

Okey, now, on a sober Monday looking at Dave's comment. I'll rather just party with the rest of you and bring my boet to spin the tunes LOL!! - he is still active on the DJ front ( www.thejoker.co.za )

Champagne Heathen said...

Rob - wonderful to know you have such faith in my curves! And so well founded I almost feel like we have met! I'll be the hot chick at the airport when you arrive...I'm sure that means it won't even require me to have a sign board when you guys arrive!

Dave - hey, do we get a say in this waterpistol fighting!?! But at least we know it will only be recorded vocally and not visually. Lucky you guys to be the exclusive few!

Daeds - milk in the fridge is easy?? I gotta start hanging out in my kitchen more :) Good luck with Mel! I hope you stored her number under something delightful!

Daedalus said...

To my delight Mel had a boyfriend who got revealed a bit later LOL! So I left to have some fresh milk, log on to this blog and get sober :P

Champagne Heathen said...

This blog sobers you up?!?!?