Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Times Tables

1 x earache for inexplicable reason which causes more than a mild irritation & distraction;
1 x boss who is ex-doctor laughing at me & unable to advise following 1 minute questioning & refusal to do examination….not a help;
1 x boss who moonlights as workaholic on quieter days present in office….dangerous;
1 x AIDS world set on holding as many planning & sum-up meetings before blink-of-an-eye holidays;
1 x Eastern Cape beach calling;
1 x Eastern Cape bottle store overstocked with Gin & with tonics requiring de-stocking immediately;
2 x weeks before this is possible;
1 x sore ear causing ipod to go unlistened to but causing colleague’s furious-mothering phone calls to remain very much audible;
1 x never-ever-sick mother being struck down with mild inexplicable illness, during which she has to write a detested exam… a great worry;
1 x flat needing furniture moved out by tonight;
1 x flat hopefully cleared of all boxes etc. before tomorrow morning’s 10am meeting;
1 x Thursday 10am meeting cannot be postponed till 11am;
2 x puppies yelping in their kennel requesting names & to be fetched;
1 x father gone AWOL on the east coast instead of collecting puppies or warning appropriate people that brand-new puppies are about to arrive in life as his daughter discovered today;
1 x streetkid still thinking Champs’ is a bad person for her inaction;
1 x office Christmas party tonight;
1 x friend sms’ing from Plett where he is attending week-long engagement party as Maid/Man of Honour, saying he is busy eating vodka-soaked watermelon for breakfast….obviously preparing to be killed on return;
100 x friends asking if we will be meeting up before end of year;
1 x good friend’s birthday forgotten yesterday;
1 x Irishman still not having phoned to say he thinks I am uber-hot & sexy & wishes to take me out for champagne and 5 course meal;
1 x Frenchie still not having organised his business trip to SA;
1 x World AIDS Day in 2 days;
1 x body ungymmed/ yoga’d for awhile;
1 x body also untanned as sun & weekends never seem able to coordinate meeting times;
7 x presents unbought & undecided as yet;
1 x UNISA course damned to fcking hell it can bugger off and take its 10000 pg textbooks with it and stick its January exams up its……;
3 x books that look interesting still only partly read;
1 x party next Friday desperately requiring getting out of, as someone Champs has not seen for 3 yrs and doesn’t mind keeping it that way will be present, but seemingly impossible to not not-attend right now.... any ideas?;
2 x wedding invites received and require rsvps, as well as decisions on how to rsvp;
1 x ex-company withholding pension money owed to Champs for immoral reasons....the withholding is immoral, not the money, at least not to Champer's knowledge & that's the story I am sticking to should SARS come aknocking;
4 x people requiring Champs’ hardearned money via internet banking some time today;
1 x internet not properly working because IT has gone to eastern cape beach already;
1 x loafing lazy younger brother acting like typical student and no help whatsoever;
1 x freaky night of dreaming disturbing sub-conscious today;
1 x bottle of CHEAP Italian wine requiring purchasing, to pay up on debt to another brother when France lost World Cup;
500 x interesting articles appearing fascinating and hoping to be read before becoming out-of-date….the date being yesterday;
1 x ex-maid as of this afternoon requiring new job on Wednesdays & says she knows Champs will find it for her….anyone need a wonderful caring mothering tough maid on Wednesdays????;
1 x old computer of another brother’s, then mother’s, then general family’s, requires moving to ex-maid-as-of-this-afternoon’s apartment sometime soon as a present;
1 x car pleading for new paint job & bumper to be re-fixed to car soon....very soon, it is just holding on;
1000 x other things that have been forgotten will probably remain forgotten in hope to maintain sanity;

1 x daughter, colleague, friend, tenant, AIDS activist, sickly Champers exhausted, lost & confused, quite amused just cause the sun is shining and there are two puppies arriving and cause I got to open a certain fridge today when I went past my new abode & was greeted with a world of wonders and happiness and fresh tasty fruit and soon soon enough will I be done with my old crazy landlady and care taker and money-sucking agency and old company forever, AND I will have a beach and a GnT and a bikini and nothing but my book!!!!!!!!!!!!! And no earache.

1 x decent post needing to be posted sometime this week….patience patience…..


ChewTheCud said...

roll on the holidays ;)

Champagne Heathen said...

Many things can roll on, but I am too busy and too slightly-irritated by my ear to be that sort of minded right now...

Daedalus said...

1 x Blogger called D telling you to go have a drink to fix that ear.

Champagne Heathen said...

Surprisingly, it was after I had a drink last night that my ear went from SORE to an ache. Maybe you are right Daeds. It at least begs further investigation. Please excuse me....

Buzzing'Fly said...

and thus i conclude... damn girl, U are sooo in need of a holiday... let the silly season of booze sun and socially unacceptable behaviour commence ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Oh my Christmas Champs, you have a lot on your plate!

Good luck with it all, especially the puppies!

And enjoy the office party, a good chance to let off some steam I hope?

Daedalus said...

Think I'm also gonna hunt a beer later...

Dan Lurie said...


that wasn't easy to read, but it did touch a nerve on so many points. mainly, the holiday, the G'nTs, the moving (i hate it), the internet, the partly read books and salary issues...

and speaking of phones, mine stopped ringing, it just flashes when people call. i couldn't understand why not only have i been missing calls but overslept horrible for work today. thought it was me...

great another electonic item of mine to pack up. i've hit the trifactor. wait a second, i feel a blog post coming on (you'll have to read this all again. sorry)

hang in there. hope the ear gets better.

Koekie said...

1xday left at work

Champagne Heathen said...

Buzzin' - Here Here!! Although I think that that last order started last weekend!

Peas - oooo the little puppies!! I cannot wait!! The party should be good. And if it's not, its being held in a suburb where, should I grow bored, I can just pop off to the bar next door!!

Daeds - please send findings of hunt this way!!

OD - I know. It was meant to be a quick write up but once I got started I just started kinda venting!
As for your phone, the exact same thing happened with my colleague yesterday. Odd coincidence! Did the warranty on those phones happen to end 2 days ago?? And yes, such a typical time for it to all go to shite.

Ha ha....actually I will go now and comment on your posting-to-be!

Koeks - bitch! But YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

sdfa sdfasdfadsf said...

Good lord. You need a holiday. A get-away-from-everything one, not a do-39472-things-a-day-one.

That's one fuckoff long list. Haha

Champagne Heathen said...

Kevin - I know! And that is only what I thought up while quietly typing away! I think I would crack should I actually sit and think properly about it all! Ah well, it does mean each thing achieved means 1 step closer TO HOLIDAYS!!! Thank gawd!

ChewTheCud said...

write the list out. it gives you much more satisfaction when you can tick something off on a handwritten note. with little check boxes ;)

Champagne Heathen said...

Tick? I do not tick! I scratch it out with great enthusiastic joy!

45 minutes left and I have not done enough work for today. Fck! And I HAVE TO leave the office at 5. FCK!!

Daedalus said...

I found a beer ... erm a couple of beers ... now i am home ... findings sent LOL

ATW said...

4 me
still seems
so far away.

which EC beach?

Anonymous said...

1 x friend telling you to get over the earache, come out for a drink and realise that you're a cool person...

1 x hangover no doubt today?

Champagne Heathen said...

Daeds - You sent them?! Ah, excellent! I will stand eagerly by the postbox.

atw - but you are already at the beach! Every weekend is a holiday! A windy holiday sure. I land in your town, and then head east immediately. You'll find me basking somewhere along a bushman's beach!

Jam - it is still there though...itching and aching and hurting. I can't deny it.

Drink? When? Now? Great!

1 x mildly babblejas, yes (How do you spell that word anyway? I have been wondering for too many years now!)