Times Tables

1 x earache for inexplicable reason which causes more than a mild irritation & distraction;
1 x boss who is ex-doctor laughing at me & unable to advise following 1 minute questioning & refusal to do examination….not a help;
1 x boss who moonlights as workaholic on quieter days present in office….dangerous;
1 x AIDS world set on holding as many planning & sum-up meetings before blink-of-an-eye holidays;
1 x Eastern Cape beach calling;
1 x Eastern Cape bottle store overstocked with Gin & with tonics requiring de-stocking immediately;
2 x weeks before this is possible;
1 x sore ear causing ipod to go unlistened to but causing colleague’s furious-mothering phone calls to remain very much audible;
1 x never-ever-sick mother being struck down with mild inexplicable illness, during which she has to write a detested exam… a great worry;
1 x flat needing furniture moved out by tonight;
1 x flat hopefully cleared of all boxes etc. before tomorrow morning’s 10am meeting;
1 x Thursday 10am meeting cannot be postponed till 11am;
2 x puppies yelping in their kennel requesting names & to be fetched;
1 x father gone AWOL on the east coast instead of collecting puppies or warning appropriate people that brand-new puppies are about to arrive in life as his daughter discovered today;
1 x streetkid still thinking Champs’ is a bad person for her inaction;
1 x office Christmas party tonight;
1 x friend sms’ing from Plett where he is attending week-long engagement party as Maid/Man of Honour, saying he is busy eating vodka-soaked watermelon for breakfast….obviously preparing to be killed on return;
100 x friends asking if we will be meeting up before end of year;
1 x good friend’s birthday forgotten yesterday;
1 x Irishman still not having phoned to say he thinks I am uber-hot & sexy & wishes to take me out for champagne and 5 course meal;
1 x Frenchie still not having organised his business trip to SA;
1 x World AIDS Day in 2 days;
1 x body ungymmed/ yoga’d for awhile;
1 x body also untanned as sun & weekends never seem able to coordinate meeting times;
7 x presents unbought & undecided as yet;
1 x UNISA course damned to fcking hell it can bugger off and take its 10000 pg textbooks with it and stick its January exams up its……;
3 x books that look interesting still only partly read;
1 x party next Friday desperately requiring getting out of, as someone Champs has not seen for 3 yrs and doesn’t mind keeping it that way will be present, but seemingly impossible to not not-attend right now.... any ideas?;
2 x wedding invites received and require rsvps, as well as decisions on how to rsvp;
1 x ex-company withholding pension money owed to Champs for immoral reasons....the withholding is immoral, not the money, at least not to Champer's knowledge & that's the story I am sticking to should SARS come aknocking;
4 x people requiring Champs’ hardearned money via internet banking some time today;
1 x internet not properly working because IT has gone to eastern cape beach already;
1 x loafing lazy younger brother acting like typical student and no help whatsoever;
1 x freaky night of dreaming disturbing sub-conscious today;
1 x bottle of CHEAP Italian wine requiring purchasing, to pay up on debt to another brother when France lost World Cup;
500 x interesting articles appearing fascinating and hoping to be read before becoming out-of-date….the date being yesterday;
1 x ex-maid as of this afternoon requiring new job on Wednesdays & says she knows Champs will find it for her….anyone need a wonderful caring mothering tough maid on Wednesdays????;
1 x old computer of another brother’s, then mother’s, then general family’s, requires moving to ex-maid-as-of-this-afternoon’s apartment sometime soon as a present;
1 x car pleading for new paint job & bumper to be re-fixed to car soon....very soon, it is just holding on;
1000 x other things that have been forgotten will probably remain forgotten in hope to maintain sanity;

1 x daughter, colleague, friend, tenant, AIDS activist, sickly Champers exhausted, lost & confused, quite amused just cause the sun is shining and there are two puppies arriving and cause I got to open a certain fridge today when I went past my new abode & was greeted with a world of wonders and happiness and fresh tasty fruit and soon soon enough will I be done with my old crazy landlady and care taker and money-sucking agency and old company forever, AND I will have a beach and a GnT and a bikini and nothing but my book!!!!!!!!!!!!! And no earache.

1 x decent post needing to be posted sometime this week….patience patience…..