Monday, January 22, 2007

Giving up the HIV effort to be a chef

My post today comes a bit late as I continue to argue with someone on my friends’ doctors’ blog. Honestly. Are people out there so ridiculous as to believe that a percentage sign, or the colour of one’s skin, or the amount of money in your bank account(s) can protect you from a virus that honestly could not give a f*ck about you. It does not stick to the rules of man & our society - that is why there is such an effort to fight against and fear about it.

Perhaps his reaction is a consequence of Apartheid propaganda. If it happens in the black community, it cannot be taking place in the white community, or the Indian community. The Sexual Relations acts (Immorality Act) and Group Areas Acts of Apartheid have really made people from former generations believe that laws of racist men overrode laws of nature?? People f*ck between races. They screw despite what the other person earns. They are dumb enough, or ignorant enough, or in this man’s case ridiculously denying & obsessed with mathematical information enough, in the moment to do this in high risk manners.

This man says he teaches his children the ABCs of prevention (thankfully!) but also tells them to keep sex within the higher classes of SA society, as this will keep them well and truly away from the virus. For the sake of his children, I hope that he does not experience situations that many white denying South Africans are now finding themselves in:
“I am sorry to inform you, Mr So-and-So, but your recent extra-marital affair appears to have infected you with the HI virus. Could I ask that your wife comes in as soon as possible to also test for this virus. I am sorry. Luckily you can afford the expensive lifelong intense treatment, but please, do not expect this to be one smooth ride”.

Are some people even worth the effort???!

Welcome to my Monday morning. And it is such a typical Monday morning. I am grouchy. I have a coffee stain across my desk. I have several boring meetings ahead of me and one behind me. And bugger all energy to smile. So picking a fight with an idiot might be exactly what I need.

I also think it was the bought of insomnia I had last night that is contributing to my glaring at all who dare approach my desk today. For several twi-lit hours it was just me and the little frogs croaking their hearts out of their mouths who seemed alive to the world. Eventually I gave up on tossing and realigning myself to my duvet and read. I am busy integrating myself into “The Satanic Verses”. Nothing like the devil and people trying to kill themselves to get one back to sleep at 3am!

Meanwhile, you can now all start addressing me as Chef Champers!

Yesterday evening I was slicing and dicing. Chopping and grinding (herbs). All with my very own borrowed proper chef’s knife. We were cooking up a storm as I leant how to crush garlic & ginger with the side of the knife (This is my new favourite trick! Although slamming one’s hand down onto a knife can be slightly daunting!), rowboat rocking the knife back and forth through lemon grass, keeping one’s workstation clean, cutting the chicken against the grain to have the flavours of your own self-made curry paste better infuse.

A master chef I will be in no time! Although apparently this means I now have to start cooking for other people. D’oh!

All finished off with some ‘apology’ chocolate for dessert. The apology token had been necessary to appease my friend/ cute cooking teacher after I had called him at 3am Sunday morning to discuss this recently bantered-about idea in detail and determination.

I think last night’s insomnia had been karma’s response to the apparent insomnia I had caused him after dialing his number, wanting post-tequila conversational company on my way home following the New Years party on Saturday. Not only did he accept, but he taught me to make one mean-asss Thai Green curry!

Maybe the leftovers will improve my mood. It’s either that or yellow-pages tracking down of some fool commenting Jo’burg man to smack over the head.


Peas on Toast said...

Oh the chemistry over some good slicin' and dicin'! :)

I have an idea: Return the favour by offering to teach him to make your favourite dessert. ;)

Champagne Heathen said...

Ello Peas!

You mean the dessert of whipped cream & melted chocolate poured over some nibbly things!?!?! EXCELLENT idea!!

Apparently other women are liking this cooking lesson idea & are asking him to teach their book clubs, or just them.


I think a degree of frustration & irritation might have contributed to last night's insomnia. Maybe I need to follow in Jam's footsteps & start 'feeling blue'!

Insane Insomniac said...

Long live the drunken early morning calls!!!

I'd really like learn how to cook, but it seems rather pointless when i never have time to make anything faster than a microwave meal - five minutes tops!

As for the guy you were arguing with - did you point out to him that Freddie Mercury had HIV? People like that really get my goat up as well.

Peas on Toast said...

Exactly. Ever seen Varsity Blues?
Where the oke dresses up like a banana split?

Revolving Credit said...

You went to a News Years party on Sat Nite. A bit late isn't it??
But then never argue with a woman holding a sharp knife!

Champagne Heathen said...

Insanity - no no no. The invention of cellphones are evil for such reasons!

You need to find the right teacher, and then you will be sure to find the time to learn ;)

Ah, but see the guy would argue that Freddie was not heterosexual, and he claimed that AIDS died out of the gay community years ago (completely incorrect), and then also seems to assume that people do not mix around with their sexuality & sexual relations (also proven to be completely incorrect. We know of many men claiming to be heterosexual but engaging in sex with other men.)

Peas - was Varsity Blues with the chick? And the guy who was 'banana splitting' in the spoof of that film. Either was a highly inspirational moment in film!!! Please pass the whipped cream this way!

Rev - apparently I hold the knife completely incorrectly & my teacher eventually renounced responsibility should i slice my hand off. But how else am i meant to deseed a chilli!?!?!?

Lucy said...

Good work on the chef-ing! I went to a Thai cookery school recently and did pretty much the same thing. But I definitely didn't fancy the teacher ;-)

Am yet to impress any friends with my new-found skills tho ... note to self to organise a Thai extravaganza at my new pad!

Anonymous said...

Peas is right. Oh the chemistry that happens over slicin' and dicin'.
I was having a gorgeous nap after being out to dinner on Saturday night, and instead of being woken by birds, I was woken by the croaking of my telephone at 8am. Not sure which is worse, 8am or 3am. ;-)
What happened to sushi lessons???
Oh yeah, they escaped out my door. Damn. A new plan is needed.

Champagne Heathen said...

Discombobs - I think this is my way of 'embracing gender role change' & all.

If men are now going to be the gender that is excelling in the kitchen in their 'new age' meterosexual ways, then I will be joining them in that kitchen! I might not end up with my bum in the butter just yet, but apparently letting them simmer really lets 'flavours infuse' and things to 'heat up properly'!

Champagne Heathen said...

Jamaloni!! - we will have to find us a cute sushi chef teacher! Apparently my teacher can't get the rice right. (I've asked several times now). I don't see the issue tho. Rice just detracts from the sweet tasty tooooona.

Technically it was just before 8am! AND I was still pissed. Sober sunday mornings convos with a crazy drunk chick can only start your day on a happy smiley note! :)

Not enough damn chemistry though.

Anonymous said...

And I smiled!!!!!!!

lordwiggly said...

Know what you mean about the Sunday night insomnia. Lying awake at 4am stressing cos you have to get up in two hours still doesn't get you sleeping any quicker. And im sure that your fantasising about hunky men in aprons didn't help either. Try not to blast the next poor sod who approaches your desk although I can understand if you did ;o)

Champagne Heathen said...

Jamaloni - yeah!!! See, it was all with you & your benefit in mind! ;)

WigglyLord - no one has yet been blasted but one grumpy persona was assumed through a painful meeting about nothingness really. Argh.

And yes, images of men naked but for an apron never are helpful to getting one's mind to rest & be at peace!

Phlippy said...

On the cooking vibe - welcome to my world ;-). Try this as well for a thank you [adding to Peas comment, thank you Peas] - you like champagne... the bubbles are nice... Leaving to your imagination. Lord Wiggly, my friend and confidant - you rock baby! Whoooooh! Please say nothing of my cooking stories with the female variety - LoLzor

Anonymous said...

Oh this gonna become some cooking blog now! I am a cooking enthuiast, BBC food watching male. Love it...

Champagne Heathen said...

Phlippy - how do you look butt naked in an apron??? Hmmmm, maybe I just need to expand my teaching circle.

Wiggly, you do realise you have to spill some stories now! After that build up evasiveness from Phlippy.

How could I have forgotten the champagen ploy!!?!?!?!?!? Am I losing my touch?!?!?!

DaveRich!! How's your dating going??

Is this going to become a cooking site...depends how many lessons I have to go through before I, well, slice & dice to my uh... satisfaction.

And no, cooking is cooking. The word is not being substituted for any other sort of lessons. How I wish. But no.

Koekie said...

I'm trying to catch up and keep up... its so difficult because I keep missing all the MUST-ATTEND parties, and then wasting time working at work when I should be blogging! Pity party for one, please.

May all your weekends be one big fry-up - and may you live in interesting times...

Anonymous said...

Dating going well, very well. Am loving the first few weeks excitement, the nervousness and uncertainty and what if's I love it, its what its all about. Any advice on how to keep it up, before the familiarity sets in?

Anonymous said...

Peas, could not agree abouth the sensual side of cooking. One delectable morsel can lead to so mant more ;-)
Champs, you looking for a Sushi instructor? Could be arranged.

All this made me hungry. Pitty that the country I find myself in at the moment does not have the slightest clue what food should be.

lordwiggly said...

I have been sworn to secrecy. Although I will say this. I never knew that something as innocent as peanut butter, when mixed with crushed asparagus, could be used for THAT! ;-o

Champagne Heathen said...

Koeks - and we are missing you! And cheersing you at each event! Hurry up & stop working so hard. Or the next time I see you will be when I come to visit & crash on your Hague couch.

Great news Daverich!! Any advice??? hahahahahah. You are asking completely & utterly the wrong person on this!! Maybe cook up some dish together to keep things spicey. Hahahaha....I think i need coffee.

Guinnie!! How's the States?? Yeah, their food is rubbish & cottonwool like!
....Don't underestimate my powers to know EVERYTHING! Well, everything about other people's lives. About mine, I know nothing.

I think i am blushing just slightly that you have easy access to this 'chick' talk on this post!

Sushi lessons soon then??

Wiggles - I really think you should explain more cause I am only imagining the worst now!

Phlippy said...

OMG ROFLMAO Wiggly! Thats like making the uber sandwich! You need to spread the peanut butter on just right so that the pea don't roll off with the oil from the sardines.

Champers - you're going to have to keep wondering about how I look butt naked in an apron. Needless to say that this is something I have done on more than one occassion ;-).

Champagne Heathen said...
Subtlty Phlippy! Subtlty!!! Sardines. Peas. And Sandwhiches. All mentioned in one act.
I think I have the picture well formed in my mind now. Hmmmmm.

You have often cooked naked, but for an apron. I think you need to be advising DaveRich more than I should be!!

# 302 said...

hola chef champers. enter chef champers. welcome to that second career.

Shall be exploring new Euro cuisine in a cold Ascot tonight, I will keep you gastronomically informed as to whether it's something you should have on your menu.

Champagne Heathen said...

Numero! I was wondering where you were! And all I can think is "jealous. jealous. jealous." Keep me informed!

Anonymous said...

this is what it feels like to stand in for the grand fromage at a leadership meeting.

got in this morning - out friday, nice hotel, the shampoo is worth nicking.

but it's cold and it's gonna get colder, and it's not something to be jealous about if it wasn't for the free miles and this supper with a few friends, i'd be seriously grumpy.

shout outs from the furst world lurv.

Champagne Heathen said...

Aaah, thanks! And give it hugs from me!

# 302 said...

Report back: nice tavern, good food, great company. This morning it's snowing which is lovely except that my meeting will shortly begin.

Champagne Heathen said...

oh man oh man oh man jealous jealous jealous! Catch snowflakes for me!!

# 302 said...

it's a dusting of snow, which is very pretty, except when you are stuck in a room discussing all things work.

and i shall try if that dusting becomes touch heavier in the next couple of days.

and i admit it's worth seeing, never thought i'd see snow in london, so it's something to be slightly envious about but remember that s...t will only make you old-and-ugly.