Monday, January 08, 2007

Globalisation is a Bitch

Today a week ago I was lying on my friend’s floor, staring at the ceiling in that dazed manner, trying to exert as little movement as possible. Except for the difficult task of thinking how to move my sunglasses from across the house onto my face, short of leopard crawling down the hallway. I was in charge of ensuring the repeating Kooks’ album would not skip on the pre-gramophone compact disc player. My Fidel friend was scrubbing furiously at the massive red wine stain left in the carpet from the night before. And a crazy divine chickie contemplated the unthinkable – jogging the alcohol out of her system. A few hours later my tasty breakfast had an altercation with the 5am-consumed tequila. The tequila, of course, won.

This week I have post-weekend Losers. Right now I am of the belief that I would prefer the hangover. That’s the thing about Loser Complex; one loses all perspective and relativity.

It might stem from the sadness that comes with saying farewell to a friend. And yesterday I had to say goodbye to two good friends. Both off to exotic destinations in other parts of the world; not that I am too certain of the exoticism of Switzerland but it has snow, my friend has a dirty mind, and the two will go well together into disturbing those dear Swiss! We are all kidding ourselves that is a 3 month contract, but when a man hands you half of his wine collection & a six pack because “he won’t be needing it” it finally hits home. I know full well that when the “people” he is off to work for get you into their web, you’re stuck indefinitely. That made me quietly sad.

Then I had to head Jolly-wards because all of a sudden I was informed, although still denying, that my goofball friend had less than 18 hours left in Jozi until he was off for a year….at least.

His farewell gift to me was to tell me I had been a better lay those many many “in the closest” years ago than some of his worst gay shags. What does a straight chick do with this piece of information??

And as always I am left thinking… Globalisation is a bitch.

It might also have to do with my alcohol vs. healthy food intake yesterday. If a brie-packed croissant can be considered healthy. As well as my sun-and-heatwave intake this whole weekend. Though, ooooo baby, I have one kick-ass, if not slightly amusing, tan!

There is something else at play in my mind. But that is for my subconscious to deal with. Not that it is even willing to do so, as it demonstrated by keeping me wide eyed from 1am to 3am this morning.

Bugger it all. Mentally & emotionally, I am on break until February.

And if I hear the word “detox” splurge from one more person’s mouth, they are going to have the irrational rage of this complex unleashed on their idealism before they can even sip on their green tea!

Welcome back to the office all of you. If you are looking for happier posts, surprisingly, read last week’s.

23 comments:

Jam said...

Ahhh Champs. Consider you and your very entertaining tan well hugged this morning.

Tamaryn said...

All these New Years resolutions-type speeches I keep hearing from people every day is driving me to drink....

And I nearly smacked my sister yesterday when she told me she was going on a detox diet to lose weight. She's already a skinny bitch.

Screw resolutions. I want to drink, smoke and be happy doing it.

Champagne Heathen said...

Thanks Jamalony!! Hugs very much appreciated and taken!

Tamaryn - welcome to my blog! I checked out yours - very nice! I fear we have a few more weeks (read: January) until all the rest are done with their silly nonsense and are back with us in the world of wine and decadence!

Peas on Toast said...

Shame ange, hope you feel better soon! Be happy in the knowldege that loser's never lasts forever - hopefully this time tomorrow you'll be back to your usual self - in the meantime, keep your chin up. ;)

Insano said...

I'dmuch rather have a hangover with you instead of my deadline this morning. EEEKK somebody please bomb southwest london - Richmond to be precise. I need at least another week!!!

Kevin Cadman said...

Have you considered a detox? I heard it does wonders ;)

Kiiiiddddiiinngg... I hate this time of year; back to work, reminiscing about the holidays, wondering what lies ahead... fuck it all!

Champagne Heathen said...

Peas, yes, by tomorrow it will all have passed (knock on wood in case of 1 of those rare extreme Loser Syndrome moments!). Chin Up! And head down as I keep focused on all else, like work and studying for dumb exams next week!

Insanity - Good luck! I am in your situation right now too. Luckily my boss is still in holiday mood today! Tomorrow I will be screwed!

Champagne Heathen said...

Kev, ja ja, very funny! It probably would do me some wonders, but the detox happened last week with me rolling about yoga rooms.

I actually am being forced into them when I am out & about with the detoxing friends & family...yesterday was several hours of cocktails & wine, 2 to 3hrs of tea drinking, and then back onto gin.

I know one thing that lies very closely ahead...UNISA honours exams. Next week. Once those are out of the way I can properly look at this year. So hopefully it is ready for me by then!

zuzula said...

Concentrate on the positive - you're a good shag! hurrah. Some people go their whole lives without ever figuring out how to do it well (believe me, I've shagged some of them)

Revolving Credit said...

This post is far to intense for my first day back at the office.

You should stick to the previous PENISOMETER post.

Add a resolution: Aim to make as many gentlemen as possible stand to attention when you enter the room.

ChewTheCud said...

lol - whatever happened to your studying? that must've brought about this sombre champs. see - studying is bad for you. alcohol is good - its clinically proven to reduce the risk of seriousness ;P

Champagne Heathen said...

Zuze - good point!! ALTHOUGH is a gay man's definition as good as a straight man's version. Something to ponder in an attempt to distract myself from the silly thoughts...

Rev - That is more than a year's resolution. That has been a life goal for me for a good many years now!

And do not fear, I am sure many posts resembling the penisometer are in the uh...pipeline for this year.

Now to just hear back from Daverich's weekend fieldwork....

Chews - Oh trust me, I KNOW the dumb studying & looming exams are playing a part. I won't be relaxed until they are out of the way. ARGH!

Good to see you are checking in on us!

Revolving Credit said...

I've just realised that all those who posted their New Years resolutions appear to be suffering from:
a) Depression
b) Disillusionment
c) Alcohol withdraw
d) Mood swings
e) Guilt
f) All of the above

I did not torture myself with resolutions that inevitabily go unfulfilled but decided to rather take things as they come and take life a little bit less seriously.

Did someone say Jagerbomb?
There's a worm in a bottle somewhere with my name tattooed on it's ass, I'm sure.

Champagne Heathen said...

How many of these Resolution people also happen to be in Jo'burg!!? It might have something to do with gorgeous weather but no beach or clean pools (after a month of untended water)!

Do not fear, by next Monday all will hopefully be right with the world again.

Robert@iScatterlings.com said...

DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX,DETOX.

Ok. Get the message? Do it. NOW! Detox later!

spoon said...

That d**** word is a very dirty word, you won't hear it uttered from my lips! And I like your new year's resolutions, the kind you really wanna follow through on! Happy happy!

Champagne Heathen said...

Robs - What am I doing NOW if I am then meant to be detoxing later??

And I will slap you silly if you keep that chanting up!

Spoon - it's the only kind to have! The New Year is meant to be full of hope, not remorse and pain. Well, except for the hangover on New Years Day.

kyknoord said...

Well, if you are going to have a tan, a slightly amusing one is the one to have. Definitely.

Champagne Heathen said...

Kyk - definitely. And this one could not cause more of a laugh amongst those I display it to. It does however mean I cannot wear a backless top for a good few weeks though - I don't like to be the cause of strangers' laughter. Just think the perfect WHITE bikini bow tanned into my back.

Koekie said...

Aaaah, post-festive depression. We all know it. I'll see your depression and raise you one - I still haven't been paid for December. Xmas is expensive, you know...

On the upside, at least we have sun(burn) after Xmas. Just think about the poor grey buggers in the northern hemi.

Champagne Heathen said...

Koeks - I thought that when I was over there 2 years ago...but then I discovered the skiing season and all was wonderful about January.

I have discovered my cure (again)...dear Bob singing about "every little ting is gonna be allaaight!" Jaaa maaan!

Koekie said...

My new years res is to leave work no later than 5pm every day. I'm not sure how long it'll last, but it certainly helps to ease you back into the year ;-)

Champagne Heathen said...

Koeks - aaah, a very very wise one indeed! I hope you can make it to March on that one!