Monday, April 23, 2007

Champs Lite on THE Challenge

I did it again. I was compelled to spending a night in my pit of hell – Manhattans.

The things I do for a good friend, on her birthday weekend.

AND I did it SOBER.

AND… I enjoyed it… Thoroughly!

I even danced about like a (semi) hooligan… it was relative to others, their alcohol intake, & the hour of the night. Particularly the leering men who would hop-bop-hip-jolt-pelvis-thrust their ways over to any & every girl, who would promptly run;
I ensured my mates’ all got home SAFELY;
I indulged in coherent conversations;
I ran commentary for all on the on-goings of my mate who was close to pounding into the bar counter some idiot looking for shite;
AND… I snogged some RANDOM guy whose name I do not know, but his nickname was emblazoned on his t-shirt;
AND my mate had to pull me out of the club at closing time – sober Champs was the last to leave!!

Ah yes, one month into being the other side of my Twenties, and so emerges a New Improved Champers – Champs Lite.

I had sipped on lovely Pinot Noir over a Sudada dinner of far too revealing stories. And then, between the hours of 10pm & 4am, all that I consumed was 2 ½ shooters, one glass of champagne, and probably more than a crate's worth of the club’s bottled water.

Why on earth?? I can hear you scratching your Monday-fuzzed heads. Did you follow the right link this morning? Is this really Champs the Heathen?

See…it is all training…for The Big Challenge….

The Big Challenge:

Starting May 10th 2007, for one month, I will be a Virgin Champagne. I will be Alcohol-Free. Suitable for people under 18 yrs and pregnant women.

I would have started now, but I decided on this madness a day after I paid a hefty amount to attend a wine tasting on May 9th. So for now it is about moderation.

The “Why” part of the question is slightly more complex and would have to involve its own posting. For now, I’ll explain it by: I am keen for some social-self-understanding-sans-social-lubricant. It has been about 8 years now that I have gradually made all things mind-altering part of my daily social life. This is not to say it has become a crutch or that my personality has been affected as a consequence. But one month without it should prove this. How much am I relying on alcohol, to have fun, to get through a weekend, to understand myself, to be my hooligan self.

Saturday is proving me right in that “I can stop anytime”.

Sunday’s “special” birthday cake…which the Birthday Lady refused to indulge in…and a bottle of red over evening Top Gun (You can be my wingman anytime…NO! YOU can be mine…) might just have undone all of it.

We’ll see…….

Bets now open.


Anonymous said...

Yay Champs! You can count on one alcohol free companion along the way!
It's not as difficult as it seems. really.
Good luck honey.
And twas lovely to see your colourful self on Fri.

Champagne Heathen said...

It was gorgeous to see you too! And yes, you might get asked for some supportive wise words or "how on earth do you cope with drunken fools around you?!?!"

Anonymous said...

Hey Champs

Thanks for an awesome birthday weekend and for being such an amazing wingman, we did well on Saturday night. Next step, getting names!
Good to know I'll be having a sober driver for the next month!

Champagne Heathen said...

Aaah, hey look everyone, that's my darling friend commenting! Best you all just say a HAPPY HAPPY to her!

It was an absolute pleasure you gorgeous lady! While we know I make an excellent wingman, I think this time the main fighter pilot may have been MIA (missing in action) from most of the squandron so I cannot take too much thanks...this time! I did get a name...kinda...we just have to worry why he has THAT name!!

And a styling sober drive wherever you go!


Phlippy said...

Moderation is a fantastic word my angel :-)

Anonymous said...

That does sound like a challenge lady...
I'll bet you my "Reverse Psychology for Dummies" book and a bag of jelly tots that you can't do it.

Anonymous said...

you go champers! i'm sure you can do it:-) i believe in moderation and a challenge is a good way to prove certain opinions you have about yourself...i think it's brilliant....and snogging a random guy you found interesting or just'r my kinda person!

Champagne Heathen said...

Phlips - let's hope so, otherwise you'll be hearing my wrath of frustration!

Thegodowner - I know! The things one decides when one is having a slow week in the office!

You're on. I think. Hold on. Hmm. Maybeee. Wait. Argh. Damn the psychology!!

Storm - Ah thanks Storm! This challenge def. holds the potential for many heavy enlightening lessons!

Actually, I blame the gorgeous song playing during the final song he had his chance to score me on the dancefloor!

Her Infinite Cuteness said...

if only i had done that last week.... u didnt per chance see my name on the floor of the Hat?

noodle said...

Good luck with the abstaining from booze. I have just finished my 'break' a few weeks ago.
The most interesting thing is how much of it is a HABIT. I had to find other constructive things to do with myself. You will learn a lot about yourself. I promise.

RB said...

I knew my plan to stop drinking would become used by you!

I just stopped for 5 days last year because I had been on a bender in Stockholm, then Oslo and finally Frankfurt.

There wasa party coming up the next weekend so I decided on the plane to have a rest.

But I found I felt too good to go and get rat-arsed again so extended the 5 days and it just kept rolling on until now I have not had a drop of alcohol since 8th Feb 2006.

You can do it Champ but do not tell yourself that no drinking is forever. I did not and fully expect to have a beer again in the future. Just when that day is in the future is unknown to me. Until then - I am sober as a boiled egg fart in a beauty parlour! Not nice but not faked!

DaveRich said...

Yaay, you can do it!I am seriously thinking of doing it too! Thanks for popping by on Friday night.

Top Gun is an awesome movie, minus the gay ass slapping volley ball match.

lordwiggly said...

I once did a detox for a full 2 months, thus alcohol-free Wiggly. I tended to stand up a lot straighter, and not jump any grenades. My liver and kidneys also benefitted enormously!

So enjoy it Champers! And by the end of the month imagine how much you will save on alcohol - 1 drink and all inhibitions will crumble!

Champagne Heathen said...

Cuteness - there were so many, it would've been hard to make out which was yours!

Noodles - Thanks! And watch this space...!

Robs - yip. This is a blatant copywrite infringement! Just for one month...

Dave - you're welcome to join me in this quest! And WHAT?! The Volley Ball scene is my absolute Favourite part!! OoOoOoOooooOoOOoo mmmmmmm......

Wiggles - the plan is to maintain moderation post-detox! So let's hope resistant continues to crumble simply by being sober!

RB said...

Just so you guys know - detoxing does zip!

Tests have shown that going on a detox does nothing. Not worth it. Just be sensible. Also, the big hype about drinking water? Just that - big hype. Our system knows how to extract the water/liquid it needs from what we eat and drink.

Only drink water in abundance when dehydrated or after a bacon sarny or anchovette on toast!

How do I know this? A scientist told me and the TV also said so.

DaveRich said...

Oh I really think I should, does drinking for work count though, I have a wine tasting once a week with the waiters and we make notes etc? BTW why do they have to slap each others asses, guys don't do that???

Mr Memetic said...

Personally, I cope with drunken fools by turning to the East - kind of like Zimbabwe - for support. However, unlike letting loads of little Chinese dudes keen for a long term stragetic war of resouces with the United States, I prefer a... simpler solution.

For one thing, alcohol is not good for you, no matter how long you were a University student or how long you've had a relationship (spiritual in nature, as I'm sure Hot Pink Flusk knows) with either Johnny, Jameson or J&B lasts.

No, I prefer a different approach. Drunken Master.

Indulge me (tee hee) for a moment. I was down on my luck, and my master was beaten by a opposing school. His Snake School was no match for Tiger Claw. And so, I was beaten by the rival's students, along with my master, and humiliated.

Then, as luck would have it, Mr Miyagi was to cross my path. He was drinking spirits after the abysmal Karate Kid III. And turned his karate into a new style (that had actually been done before - but you know what they say: there have only been seven styles of martial arts since Socrates, and since then everything under the sun is repeated, but in a different way).

So he trained me in his Drunken Mastery of Karate, and I eventually faced my nemesis, the master of Tiger Claw.

I lost. But only because at the moment of victory, my liver seized up and I spit blood. He klapped me, baie mooi, oops, I mean really hard. And I got rushed to hospital, where being the rich son of a Jewish Lawyer got me a new liver ahead of Orphan Annie.

So I live to tell the tale:

Don't be a Drunken Master of Karate. Rather try Tai-kwon Do. Or lots of Acid. I recommend three times the 1960s dosage. A friend in
a psych ward told me it really did wonders for him.

Mr Memetic said...

Oh yeah, one other thing I learnt:

Ignore my typos! It's Mugabe's fault!

fly said...

2 great things about being sober...

1.) you get to see what idiots your friends are actually when they are drunk and realise that you are exactly the same and

2.) you tend to score a helluva lot....speaking from a boys point of view...girls seem to like a sober man !!! who wouldve thought !!!

Mommy said...

Well done dearest Champs...

Champagne Heathen said...

Late in replying to y'all, but I was drenched in illness...

Rob - this is not for detox purposes. Well, not physical detox reasons.

Dave - Work drinking then have to spit it all into the spittoon....! No cheating here!

They slap each other's asses cos it's HOT!

Anton - I must still be deliriously ill... I understood your story perfectly there!

Fly - after Sat's sober experience, already I can agree with both of your points!

Jamaloni - Thanks babe! :)

Mr Memetic said...

"Anton - I must still be deliriously ill... I understood your story perfectly there!"

Hmm... Not sure how to take that...