Thursday, May 03, 2007

Mates

I have two incredibly good friends from university. I would never have imagined them together at the beginning of my first year of living with them. Now I could never imagine them apart. When catching up with other mates, people always pronounce, “But they’re engaged already, aren’t they?!”.

Nope. But who cares. They are happy just as is.

They’re the kind of good friends that when I go to visit them in London, I am either woken up in the mornings with a cuppa tea and the shopping plans already routed out, or I crawl into the bed between the two for chats.

As people do, the rest of us, their mates, all sit and completely ignorantly dissect their relationship. Will it work? Will it last? Will it result in marriage and kids and sixty years down the line? I once remarked that my only worry was, that such a relaxed happy relationship meant that they had never really fought any demons - so learning how to cope with relation strife…one needs it, to last the years and to deepen the love. A friend said back, yes but, perhaps their very turbulent start settled all of that.

These two friends were originally my digsmates. And her best friend, who also lived in our house (it was one BIG house), was having drunken scoring moments with him. During nights out, we would tease him about this random “screwing the crew” behaviour. He would dodge and dive and buy us drinks. Great!

I can’t say when the (now coupled) two started individually to realise that they felt something for one another. She says she had never considered him like that, as her best friend liked him too much. He’s a guy, dragging info out of him that he is almost certain will hit the chick circuit is still impossible after five years.

But one digs holiday they had some joint realisation. And slowly they started to act on it. Back at the digs, I would be standing in the kitchen, probably hanging over a litre of water wishing for babblelas relief and wondering who I could con into cooking a meal for me, and out of the corner of my eye I would notice him touch her lovingly. HEY!? But I stayed quiet…till we were out and boozing again, and then I would tease both of them mercilessly.

When the others found out, there was hell to pay. The couple was ostracised by the digsmates for several weeks…which meant I had the tv to myself as they doted over one another on the tv-room couch. Man, did I LOVE the start of this relationship. I owed them more than I owed most people in that house, and I loved and respected them, so I was happy to see their relationship emerge and them risk a good deal to be together.

Eventually people accepted it. As I understand, after a few years even the old best friend did.

And now the two are still together. And so ridiculously cute. And I could not be happier for two friends who just bumble through life gorgeously.

I know of a similar story between two girls. The relationship between the guy and the second girl lasted a year or two. Now nobody really speaks to anyone.

It does make one think. When is it that you honour your friend? And when do you hope they’ll keep honouring you but risk it anyway as you realise that it is necessary to dishonour them?

22 comments:

ChewTheCud said...

Aaaaw! Cute! Does this blog come with blogsick bags?

I'm still trying to piece together what you mean in the second last paragraph though. Maybe I'm slow this morning ;)

A friend will bail you outta jail. A true friend will help you hide the body ;P

Champagne Heathen said...

Ja, today is NOT a day to leave some random tongue-in-cheek comment like this. I am in one fcking bad mood & am stuck in a time-wasting meeting. So maybe just...recomment.

High in Dubai said...

Good post Champers...

I must say I always have to balance my judgements of people with the fact that we should just let people be... With friends this becomes more complicated.

If your value systems/decisions don't mesh or agree with the others' does it mean you automatically let go of these friends! Or do you honour it because the reason you are friends is because you choose to accept them for who they are... warts and all!

hot pink flush said...

Hey Champs...
that's such a sweet post. And the image of cuddling in bed between to friends with tea for chats....awwww.
I had two besties like that. they were togetehr for years and years. and then they both became gay and stayed best friends.
but no more chats and tea in bed for hot pink :-(
oh well...
PS. my sister is asking how come you know ALL her friends

thegodowner said...

They're fortunate that their realisations still held strong after the joint had been worn off.
It seems clear to me that, if you're going to dishonour a friend like that, it helps if you're stoned at the time. ou pas?

ChewTheCud said...

Why does everyone have that one couple they alway talk about? Maybe because their relationship seems to be working against all odds, or it seems completely unbelievable to have two people so right for each other, or they don't have any of what we would consider normal relationship woes, when we're all struggling to look for that. Maybe we've all become too cynical. Maybe relationships should all be more like that, and we the majority just haven't had or won't have that.

Champagne Heathen said...

Hi High! And good comment back. Yes, another element to all of this... how much do we accept, and when do we say "enough".

HPF - just force all of you to climb into one bed and drink copious amounts of tea...maybe do it in one of their beds though. I accept many things, but not a tea-drenched bed!

As for your sis - tell her it's cause I know EVERYBODY.

Thegodowner - Fascinating version that you read into the post! But def. still holds true. Maybe not for these two, but others.

And HEY! Where are your postings! Don't go slack on me!

Chews - Thanks.
As for relationships - we talk about each & every relationship. Dissect it down to its atoms. I just love when I love both people in the relationship, and see them doing so well together and for each other.

lordwiggly said...

Had a one-sided situation in my digs. The guy was totally head-over-heels for the girl but was too much of a gentleman to do anything about it. So we "forced" him to tell her how he felt, and he did it in his own time. WAY OTT, a dozen roses for a dozen days leading up to St Valentine's, with crytic emails, poems and messages and a "blind" date set up for supper on St Vals. Unfortunately this flattering display backfired and even though he didn't act crushed - but rather happy that it was finally out in the open - he was incredibly disappointed, and digs life remained awkward.

To end off, the digs broke up and now we are scattered worldwide. Poor guy is still crushed, and poor girl is still stupid.

maurice said...

what uttur drivel. Crap. Can't believe I wasted 2 min of my time reading this crap. I mean, really, I would hate to no what you do for a job. Becase you would be totally bad at it.

Champagne Heathen said...

Wiggles - Ha ha, shame for him, and for her, I guess. Damn stupid people.

Hi Maurice - are you having as kak a day as me? To leave a completely unconstructive attacking comment?

Read more of my posts and judge my writing content overall, rather than on one post. Perhaps everyone has a bad writing day. Perhaps I am just kak at this. Perhaps I am just not your taste. Research will reveal this.

Why do you term it drivel? What elements do you not like about it? Were my points invalid? Did I write in too sensational a manner? ...I appreciate constructive criticism and debate. Not random insulting. In the world of blogging, people vote with their feet/ mouse and simply click off the page should they not like what they are reading.

As for my choice of career. I do HIV work. The epidemic still persists in Sub-Saharan Africa. So perhaps your deduction is correct.

maurice said...

Lots of good in the fight of HIV your doing when all you seeme to do is blog allday. Think I am getting adicted though.

Champagne Heathen said...

Tell you what, do any one of the jobs I have done, and see how long you last - either in boredom of the dryness of some the tasks required when changing policies & structures and systems, researching stats, & dealing with closed-minded people. Or working in environments that force you into a depressing reality hourly, where there seems to be little out, but rather only more and more problems & fck ups.

Should you physically & emotionally last in either, then maybe try to find a job in this world too.

I refuse to apologise for having a distracting out during my working day. I get my work down more than satisfactorily. I am involved in many outside projects. I choose not to see the world as 9-to-5 pure job, 5-days-a-week.

One reason I blog is to get my experiences & lessons from the development world & my HIV knowledge out into the world. I need to keep people's attention through lighthearted "drivel" posts, as none of you want to be confronted with the world's shite every day.

ChewTheCud said...

Maurice... Dude... Chill! Champers is having a rough day already. You're not being very cool here at all! Less with the insults man! Don't you have any positive vibes to bring? Try exercise a little more etiquette when commenting on someone's blog OK ;)

Champers' blog is awesome, she touches a lot of lives with it. It gives us a chance to get away from what we happen to be doing that day and find out what she's doing or thinking. Her blog raises more social awareness, be it to HIV or anything else she touches upon, than you could possibly know.

Champers - we love you babe! Always, your loyal readers ;)

Revolving Credit said...

"I know of a similar story between two girls."

Did the 2 girls hook up? Is this that semi-lesbian-3some-guy-in-the-middle-thing??

Write about that, it sounds a lot more exciting.

Third World Ant said...

Hi Champs

1 - unless i'm reading incorrectly, it would seem your last paragraph implies you're contemplating the same risky action - is that correct? one of my good friends started dating another friend in our group, and had to keep it wraps because she was so scared it would offend another girl in our group who had a crush on that guy. She and the guy ended up having a long relationship that almost ended in marriage, but her and the other girl never quite patched up their differences. Moral? There is none, really. If you're prepared to risk losing a friend, it means the guy must be truly special to you. Hopefully friends forgive with time, and perhaps can be candid enough with themselves to admit that it wouldn't have worked for them as well as it did (will do? i'm getting lost in tenses here) for you.

2 - maurice, please grow up. it's tedious that you're a copy-cat troll, find something constructively critical to say if you're going to be critical. Else, shut up and move along!

Champagne Heathen said...

Thanks guys, it is very sweet of you all to stand up for me!

Thanks for the defense, Chews - and not too worry, some swiss chocolate bribery earlier did perk my day up a bit.

Rev - if only you knew what subject I am working on between blog breaks... !!

ThirdWorldAnt - Nothing so exciting, but rather a fleeting small curiosity did spark my thoughts & then this post. Or maybe not... He he he...you'll just have to watch this space!

And yes, I think you sum up my point well there!

Thanks for the defense.

thegodowner said...

{$Slacker OFF}
writeln(;p)
{$slacker ON}

ATW said...

Hey Champs, the rhetorical question in the last para of yr posts refers.... & just because a friend might have a piece of metal around his/her fourth digit on their left hand, should that make a difference?

Is it OK to intervene in another relationship if the new coupling will be happier than the old coupling? I mean it would make for an overall happier world, wouldn't it?

The utilitarian in me says - "absolutely". The practical side of me suggests that if it was not a frowned upon practice then we'd all spend our lives being pretty insecure in our relationships.

Louisa said...

Hi Champs!
Just read all your comments and I was suddenly reminded that you promised me a story about a mosquito and HIV? Is it already in your archives somewhere? Just point me in the right direction - I am really intrigued about it.

Jam said...

Maurice - get a life. Please. And exercise your right to click off. Please. That's how the online world works. We vote with our mice...if you don't like something, don't slag it off, go away. Less hits mean that a person is less likely to continue doing what they want to...

hot pink flush said...

Methinks a mr maurice is emulating a certain Dr. someone... does this mean there's a gang of them or is it one person? hmmmm....
and who is gonna get hit next?
all the more reason for Kev's tag. but i suspect it may rile them up worse...
as branson says,
screw it, let's do it!

Champagne Heathen said...

atw - an interesting interpretation of my posting!! And one that I understand how it was made. BUT I am happy to say you are completely wrong with it...in the case of the inspiration for my post.

Also, considering my commitment phobia/ complexities, I think that I would start to hyperventilate at the idea of something as drastic as a man leaving a marriage to test out a relationship with me.

Such a result would be one of the more extreme examples, but it does highlight how careful one needs to be when investigating your feelings for another person. It is not always as simple as you and him.

Louisa - delivered! I hope you enjoyed it.

Jamaloni & HPF - I reckon Maurice is harmless, & gentle at heart. Not at all as malicious as Dr M.