I caught the front end of Oprah last night. She was discussing how to become happy in life. I lasted 10 minutes into it…. mainly because I wanted to see these too-tight-pants she was telling us not look at (I am Reverse Psychology’s bitch). By the time she got to Law Of Attraction happiness, I was done and started another book about some story of suffering in some third world country.
Her latest expert/ new best friend was explaining that happiness comes from such practices as surrounding yourself with happy people and happy energies. Or from realising what you have…. get perspective and all of that. I didn’t find out the other eight steps - I am the arch enemy of Pop Psychology.
There is an amount of truth to decorating your world in positive affirming complimentary energies. Even to maintaining a degree of perspective. But if you are hurt, do not shirk it off with “there are people starving or dying” or crap like that. Those same people have emotions, have been rejected in love, ache because of a lost friend. Allow your emotions some value too.
I also find, it is the people who are so desperate to believe in pop psychology & bulleted steps to a happier life who are those people who are so scared of facing their real woes. They want to focus on ticking the boxes as it is a way to keep running. Hide behind the equation rather than really aim for the true happiness which people harp on about.
No amount of happy mates or working in townships is going to dissolve your shite. The only way to purge yourself of it, is to face it. To spend silly amounts of time, money, strength on understanding you will not die from the pain and realisations it causes. Yes, it is going to shake your world up completely, change various things you used to (healthily or unhealthily) rely on to live, and make your heart, your head, your body, your very fucking emotional soul ache.
It is all about walking into the abyss, with only hope that you are meant to be on the other side, and that the other side is a whole lot prettier. Bluddy hell… my other side had best outdo even those little Garden of Eden fables!
Hard work, determination, courage is what will lead you to happiness. Not Cosmo’s Ten Steps or Oprah’s Secret Recipe. Sometimes, things in one’s life should not just be gotten over and moved on from. But fucking faced up to and bitched slapped about.
It’s like losing ten kilos, for good. Crash diets won’t work. They’ll just exhaust you. To lose the weight you have to climb onto some dumb gym apparatus, you have to rework your diet, and more than likely, you’ll have to dramatically cut down on some vice you love.
I continue to retrieve that dumb persistent physical and emotional flab. But I persist in working it back off. I cry I shout I walk I talk I fight I laugh I remould I question I love I forgive I forsake I let go of I booze I starve I apologise I binge I run I yoga it out I breathe I just lie there I push away I suck and lick I make no sense I beg for support I do not care and I ache so desperately I feel myself collapse in the middle of the Pick n Pay Fresh Fruit section, yet to all other patrons I seem just A-OK.
I have seen my abyss. I am nowhere certain if I am near through it. But last night I watched a programme (House) that for the past few years would have hit my soul & my repressed issues so hard, probably thrown me off balance for a few days, maybe had me sobbing to myself far into the night, but now it just saddens and passes through me. Because that was my past. That was my shite. So I will always feel it. But I won’t be knocked off course by it. In the past, I would desperately have watched this episode of Oprah, begging her for the answer to heal it all, but last night I turned it off and did something else.