Friday, January 25, 2008

Screeching

I have discovered, by flicking onto whoknowswhat radio station, that a person can actually THOROUGHLY enjoy herself through the chaos that is an Empire/ Jan Smuts intersection at peak hour, during the country’s worst loadshedding moment:

When Bonnie Tyler’s I NEED A HERO is bleating its double cheese tunes out.

La la LAAAAAAAA HERRROOOOOO, sorry, excuse me, my turn, wait wait, I NEED AAAAA…..ok let me edge through this way, WAIT!, bitch!, HERRRRRROOOOOOOOOOO…….

My office mate says my outfit today makes me look like some sort of activist. She’s asked if I am going to leave the office at 5pm to go and protest outside some government building for Animal Rights. I need to start learning to leave the placard at home.

And most glaringly in my life right now: The good old defeatist subconscious is screeching fish-wife murder in my head about wat die fokkin hell do I think I am up to??! This guy is full of kak, nĂ©! His charming words are just to get his HOT (HOT HOT!) body laid. He doesn’t really mean that I am completely & ridiculously gorgeous, that my petite intelligent fun-loving self is just overwhelming in hotness. Ja ja, suuuuure he has suggested a “relationship” but what does that mean. Well, let me tell jyou girlie, all that means is that I will be gooi’ing away all that lekker freedom. Shag him silly, and then get the hell out of this maddening situation. Ignore all signs that this is going so well & he is just too gorgeous in too many ways. OUT OUT OUT! Run already, you silly romantic bitch! Fokking lift those dik bene, en hardloop!

Nothing like an occasional bout of psychological hyperventilation to keep the serial single chick on her toes!

9 comments:

Sheena Gates said...

LOL! I could just imagine you singing inbetween swearing.

PS: I'm so not falling for your stubborn single chick trick. You're whipped!

pam said...

singing and swearing... good combination! lol!

hey champers, how ya doing?
been a long time yeah?

Champagne Heathen said...

Sheenz - yeah, but I've always been the one who likes to do the whipping!

Almost traffic time again! But at least I got something to really smile about waiting for me at the other side! ...this is so sososososo odd.

PAM! Wherethehell have you been!?? Are you still around? What's all the news?? HELLO!!

The Blonde Blogshell said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! YOU MADE THE COSMO MAGAZINE'S BLOGS OF NOTE!! WOOHOO!! WELL DONE!!

Sheena Gates said...

HUH? Where? I wanna see, is there an online article anywhere?

Thats so cool, well done Champs!

Anonymous said...

Don't be so hasty - it might be hard to find another guy who's into bouncy castles ;O)

Champagne Heathen said...

Blondie - Firstly, great to see you on my blog here! Welcome! And yes, I have heard rumours of this... I will check it all out. But Thank You Thank You :) It was a pleasure just to be nominated...hold on...

Sheena - I will figure this all out & let you know...

Anon - I have tried to decipher your sneaky note here, but don't seem to be getting anywhere. Hmmm.

Bouncy castle 'eh? I know some friends who once fell asleep on a bouncing castle thing, but it wasn't me, although I'd been at that party. Castle as in the beer?? - hmmm, nope, I can't think of any dodgy castle beer moments. Bouncy as in my rocking cleavage?? DEFINITELY can't be THAT, as EVERY guy wishes he could get closer to those. He he he.
You're gonna have to give me more.
Ohgod, what have I done where in what castle!!?!?!??

Bridget said...

Whoo-hoo!! Congrats on the Cosmo gig! Yay!!!

Champagne Heathen said...

Aaah, thanks Bridget! :)