Wednesday, March 04, 2009

An Ode to One’s New Home

Aussie land.

Home to the mate and the wombat.

Where men are hairy muscular men. Who then go riding around on pink buses called Priscilla.

A land where they play more Ozzie Rules than rugby [Fck. I have to learn a whole NEW man sport!?].

Where they claim they live in a desert. And as soon as you have a visa, they tell you that the winter is one sopping wet affair.

Where the women can guzzle down more beer than a Rhodes student showing off to a Maritzburg Down Down champion. And that’s just during the lunch break.

A land where the accent requires you to dislocate your whole jaw just to pronounce its name. Austraaaaaalier. Mate.

And mate, you gatta throw in a whole group on unintelligible words to be understood. Mate.

An island of dirty secrets & dirtier exploits with sheep.

Corks for wine. And flies.

Where the Brit queen rules ok.

And the highest mountain is walkable. [Even by my feeble standards].

With marsupials. Drag Queens. Billabongs. And cockatoos.

Where the dirty convicts only drive 70 kms.

And where they’d best accept two clueless kids on a mission for adventure.

Austraaalier Mate.


Anonymous said...

It ain't Oz mate, until you've had a slab of tinnies and pashed a bogan in a singlet, you drongo.

Don't believe a word I write said...

Don't forget that it is also the place that makes the best movies...ah, Muriel's Wedding. Just amazing.

mylifescape said...

hahaa... AWESOME post! love your writing style... still laughing!

The Spear said...

You can't breally blame them for liking there sheep. Have you seen there woman?

Champagne Heathen said...

Dolce - I finally know what those damn timtams are!!! YEAH!! One step closer!! Now to find out WTF is a singlet.

DBAWIA - You're Amuuuuuzzzzing Muriel.
And let us never forget NEIGHBOURS. I have even seen you can go on NEIGHBOURS tours in Melbourne. YEAAHEREHAREAH. Fok.

Mylifescape - Ah, thanks! Please read again... when I eventually find the time to WRITE again! :)

The Spear - Ha ha! Hey! Hold on! Those are my new mates you are talking about. ...hmmm... am I talking about the sheep or the women!???