Thursday, January 28, 2010

Why I Despise Australia Today #1

This is for those low travel days. When all you see is the shite and home could Only Ever Oh Definitely Offer Better (Ha!). It completely recognises that this is one-sided, unfair and probably a pack of misguided lies. Well. Not lies. But narrow-minded and not-really-revealing-the-whole-story. (Only some of it anyway). Because everyone is allowed narrowed-minded angry days where you just want to shout at your surroundings because they are so different to your comfort zone. And some days, your body, mind and soul just want comfort. Even citizens within their own countries have these days.... obviously, otherwise we wouldn’t have the extreme & despised form... The Expat.

#1. Aussie’s Free TV News

Aussie Free TV News is shite. It is shiter than shite. It is buried with its head so deep in the sand you would think the head had popped out somewhere else and might start reporting on the other side of the world.


The free tv news is local, pedestrian, boxed-in and so lacking in intelligence it would make even SA tabloid journos cringe.

Example 1:

Monday night’s 6pm Prime Time News.

Item 3 is an “in-depth report” on how a handful of local Melburnians were charged $800 by a malfunctioning parking metre, instead of the usual $8. Interviews take place. Accusations that are not followed up on are made. Everyone shouts. And hysteria is created within minutes. About parking metres.

20 minutes later, somewhere near the end, within 30 seconds all done in a rush:

“An Ethiopian Plane Crashes & Kills About 90 People. But Next in International News. Are British Tabloids Right When They Report That Brangelina is On The Rocks. Stay Tuned For Our Award-Winning Current Affairs Show That Has a Special Segment On The Inside Story Of Hollywoods Hottest Couple”.

Sorry? What was that? Did I hear about a country other than Australia, Britain or the United States mentioned there?? Go back! Go back! Fkc it. Lose concentration for 20 whole seconds & there goes the world....!

It’s not that there is not news to report on this continent. There are boat loads of immigrants floating off the coast, the international world is funnily enough not that far off, Australians’ lives are being affected every day by global events. Rumours even have it there is some news-worthy stuff going on right here on this soil! But Sweep Away Sweep Away!

It’s not that this place is so “perfect” that a kangaroo’s death is all that can appear in the news (as happened yesterday!). This continent makes a conscious choice to not report on international political events... unless they take place in English-Speaking Western countries.

It makes life “Happier” that way.

Unless you are an International political scientists. Or just a broke global-minded person.

(I actually had a good Australia Day (sneaky b@stards like that!), so I’ll just make this list a regular segment and stop at #1 for now... Tongue In Cheek! It's Tongue In Cheek Ok!!!)


Anonymous said...

I used to read your blog and then you stopped posting a while and I just came back now and see you're in Australia, how come? you mention a bit earlier you have to be there 4 years??? sounds like you really dont want to be there, but if you give it time things start to feel like normal.

Champagne Heathen said...

Anon - My boyfriend got a good offer here that we "couldn't refuse". I followed. For love & adventure & be the breadwinner. I think I came over imagining this would be "travel", when it's not, it's actually "relocation", which involves a whole different mindset. And I guess it's up to me to sort that out already otherwise what is the point...! Plus though, I haven't managed to fulfil my role as breadwinner - haven't found a job in 6 months, which does not do wonders for one's self esteem or bank balance!!!! BUT! There is hope on the near-ish horizon!! And as soon as I have a purpose, I figure I can pay my way into the right mindset! AND get some good travel & adventuring in rather than worrying about breaking the budget when I near the end of my 2nd beer in a night!

Thanks for coming back to visit! Please come again soon! Any trademark you care to leave so I know when you visit again...?

Caz said...

hahaha that's great.
if its any consolation, the front page story in the Tygerburger the other day was that... brace yourself, it's a biggie... Non-disabled folks have been parking in the disabled parking! (locals call for a boycott of the shopping centre!)

Champagne Heathen said...

Caz - Hahhahaha. That might explain why I don't live there either!! Now if that made the SABC news, I'd be worried...but not if the story had an twist on it that glorifies the ANC in some bizarre way... Gotta love the media & its quirks the world round!

Anonymous said...

hmmm a trademark, I choose Chantal because that's my name :P

Living somewhere is totally different to a holiday there, it is quite an adjustment (can only imagine as I've lived in Durban my whole life) have never wanted to visit Australia - it just doesnt appeal even for a holiday - although I may go one day just to visit someone that I know who emmigrated. Now surely you must have run into a lot of South Africans there, is it weird?

Shame 4 years! but who knows, it may grow on you yet :) 6 months looking for a job is scary, good luck!

oh yeah

Champagne Heathen said...

Hey hey Chantal... I am sure I remember you! If I am thinking about the same commenter. (commentor?).

Well, I have a job now :) so things are already looking up & I am ready to take on this city with full force...and a full wallet!

I have met MANY South Africans. Everyone back home knows someone who is now living here & so the initial weeks/months of being here were mainly having to meet up with these people. So far though, I haven't been loving the expat South Africans. They really do have such a negative view on SA and even on life. The majority of ones that I have met...not all, and I have not met every expat living here. Most of them are not people I would become friends with under normal circumstances & so everything feels strained & false.

Also, they all seem to assume that we have cut ties with SA & moved to Oz for good, which always kills me, because I love my country & I want to champion it, even if I am living away from it. I find it to be such an insult. But that's my issue, I guess, not their's. They're entitled to their denial issues.

Ok...enough babble from me there. Let me get back to my last-days-unemployed couch & book!