Monday, August 01, 2011

Down The "C" Ladder

Where have you been woman!!??

Well let me tell you, I have been 'up' to great feats. No mere mortal has successfully achieved what I have done in the past five months. Well, ok, maybe, and perhaps it happens every day, but rarely does it get put into one's Five Year Plans. It certainly wasn't in mine. ... "Bar tending in skimpy glitter" was probably higher on the list.

Nonetheless, in impressive skill & charm, I have successfully worked my way down the corporate ladder!

Step by step, I have gingerly manoeuvred my way from managing projects to now secretarying them. And let's not kid about & fluff this in gloss, I ain't talking about no "Secretary General of the UN" here.

Why no. I am the friendly voice on the other side of that first port of phone call. I am also the dumbass going "uh.... can you repeat that.... you want who? To do what? uhhh....suuuuuure... Please hold! [cut off phone call "by mistake" now]".

It's delightful. Quite delightful. The old grey men play their part by passing inappropriate comments & doing the dirty 'secretarial look-up-and-down', the strangers who all approach my desk think I am an idiot & speak slowly & rudely to me, I take more coffee breaks than one's pumping veins can move the caffeine & sticky sugared treats, I smile sweetly & tilt my head & try not to swear while I quietly dig pained nail marks into my desk during which someone like you stands at my desk shlurping on coffee and making droll conversation knowing the secretary (sorry... receptionist... sorry... administrator) is trapped & forced to listen "with delight".

... sadly, I have not yet butterflied into the short skirt high heel stocking with loaded seam stage of the role. But we hold out hope!

And surprisingly, the folk are actually quite delightful, and for the first time in years, I am having fun work days. Who knew! Take that deceiving Five Year Plan! I will not succumb to your wily ways!

...."Delightful. Quite Delightful" said Alice as she reached over for another piece of sticky sugared cake, to take her further down the 'rabbit hole'...


dbawkw said...

I would lean on your desk/counter and tell you all about my bowel movements. I figure that would give you a chance to practise your fake smile, no?

Anonymous said...

Wow and to think you used to do quite a lot of good in Africa. Good thing you left that hell hole!

Champagne Heathen said...

dbawkw - Each day I dream of such exciting interactions! It keeps me ticking & typing & fake smiling away!

Anon - Uh. Ok. Wanker.