Friday, October 13, 2006

This is too much

Friday craziness - I was busy writing a post on AIDS orphans when something much more interesting came through....and it's friday so....

NEW YORK, NY - A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as ' unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are three sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.

On a similar theme and from one on great website, The Onion, read:
BIN LADEN'S MOTHER WORRIED SICK
or
POVERTY-STRICKEN AFRICANS RECEIVE DESPERATELY NEEDED BIBLES

35 comments:

chewThecud said...

i think they should put the topic of math safety up for discussion in the senate. You know - nothing like having a good old fashioned maths-debate...

Robert@iScatterlings.com said...

Excellent laugh! Brill!!

Champagne Heathen said...

Chews - they have wasted precious time & money on lesser things!

Rob - always happy I can brighten your Friday!

Chewthecud said...

i don't know - i myself fancy a good maths-debate every now and then....

muddlepuddle said...

Personally, things for me are just not adding up!

Eeeeesssssh - did i just say that out loud?? How weak!

Revolving Credit said...

So Cuddle, personally thing not been ADDing up, sounds like you need someone you can COUNT on?

chewthecud said...

The question is how many DIGITs do you think she's gonna need?

Revolving Credit said...

Sounds like she's just waiting for a SIN.

muddlepuddle said...

Nice ANGLE you both working

Champagne Heathen said...

*Is that Champs quietly ignoring all these puns and waiting for it to all move along. Well, why yes. Yes, it is indeed.*

muddlepuddle said...

Champs - how OBTUSE!

Revolving Credit said...

Oh well, seems our conversation has come full CIRCLE.

Revolving Credit said...

Champs, quick, go look out the window and tell me what you see!

Champagne Heathen said...

The usual Gautrain chaos mixed in with people who don't work cruising about the roads...Why????

Revolving Credit said...

Random stalker theory, when approached out of the blue there's a fair chance you may reveal something important without realising it.

Champagne Heathen said...

Did it help? I doubt it. You should have known that already...

muddlepuddle said...

Champs dont be such a SQUARE.

Oh laaaaaaaawd
*slap myself in the face for being the corniest person on earth*

I promise that's the last one!

Revolving Credit said...

Na, didn't.
Lets try again - So what in your handbag?

Champagne Heathen said...

Oh gawd....where is my handbag!?!?!?! Mace, make-up, car keys, a post-it with an address on it...I think to the party where I met Buzzin' fly back in August, hmm...hairband, moleskin notebook, chemist recepit, a business card...all the rest of its usual contents are scattered about my desk...

Revolving Credit said...

Is that the spare post-it for your forehead at the next party.

Please replace it now, with the permanent marker as previously discussed.

Champagne Heathen said...

Don't even joke...I needed that permanent marker for this past weekend!! Cause of MY memory... uh oh. Did I just type that in public.

Revolving Credit said...

For yourself or the person you woke up next t?

Champagne Heathen said...

Oh god. Please can I never forget my own name after too much drinking! That's when you know the tequila was cheap and crap!

Revolving Credit said...

As long as it not you behaving cheap, cheap, cheap!!

If it's not Cuervo Gold, don't bother.

Champagne Heathen said...

Aaah, you know me Rev, I'm always a lady! A bluddy hot sexy slightly-horny-at-the-moment lady but a lady nonetheless!

muddlepuddle said...

*ahem* *ahem*

Is it just me or is there a slight aire of sexual tension in this here room?

Champagne Heathen said...

Gawd, there's enough sexual tension in my room, but that's just me.
Rev, you're not stalking me to shtoik me are you? The least you could do is take me out for a nice meal after a helicopter flip and giving me some nice diamonds. (You've created a dating monster!)

Revolving Credit said...

Champs, if I was stalking you to shtoik you, I would just have asked, it's a lot easier.

Is shtoik like body shots??

Focus on the book, need to make gazillions and then buy own helicopter.

PS. Seems like you and Cuddle may end up in some Girl-onGirl action though, if this keeps up. :)

Champagne Heathen said...

OH! Is the tension between me and her?? Mmmm, Muddle, did I mention how pretty your eyes look in that top?!

Champagne Heathen said...

Hold on actually...should I then be taking offense to never having asked if you could ravish me!?!?

Revolving Credit said...

Me or Muddle? Are there pictures?

Champagne Heathen said...

Ja, ja, now it is late in the day and I have a savanna waiting downstairs so I will say it again more comprehensibly...REV, should I be offended that you have never asked if YOU could ravish me?? Or are you just waiting to be a high-flyer first, to ensure I am overly-impressed. And perhaps if you do impress me enough, muddle and I can make a plan about photos being created...

(There are so many words that can be twisted in there that you should have a field day with that while I suip on something cold and cidery!)

Revolving Credit said...

Don't worry about words being twisted, after all the comments today, my mind is in knots. There's a cold beer whispering my name about 5m away...MMMMmmmm...coming sweety

Anonymous said...

that's hysterical. the onion satirical news reports are truly works of art!!

partook in a bottle of Verve on Saturday, had to think of you :)

Champagne Heathen said...

Ah, O-D, so good to hear that you are indulging in the good life...and giving me a cheers while doing so!! The Onion is almost as dangerous for my work as this damn blogging world! Loving it!