Darling (bastard) Rob tagged me to confess 5 things about myself that you guys don’t know. Why “(bastard)”? Cause not only does this require inducing my thought process this morning, hardly an easy feat even after 3 shots of strong coffee, but it slightly counteracts my “mysterious” persona I try to keep going on this blog. Or do I….
1 – I am racked with guilt over being such a bleeding heart liberal who decadently drinks and eats her pay cheque away every month. I love the nicest priciest clothes. My father calls me a wine snob. I have my own car, & drive fast so am also always spending on petrol. Yet I am always rallying on about the impoverished, the destitute, the people who cannot uphold their rights.
So often I see in what I write or say what I believe to be hypocrisy from my side, and quietly hope that no one else will point this out, especially in such a public forum as my blog.
I quell this guilt with the hope that through my awareness efforts at least a few people out there will truly be spurred into great action. And also that I do not need to suffer just because I feel pain that others around me suffer. If I am happy, it will be easier for me to help other people.
2 – To make a confession on the HIV theme…. I have unprotected sex twice, and both times did not know the guys’ status’. The first time was when I was in my final year at university with a frenchman in Venice & I completely had the thought of, “I’ll just take the chance. He’s from a first world so it should be ok.” The second time was this year, and was not completely of my choosing. I woke up at a crazy party to some guy, well, taking advantage. (One day I will blog further about that & other incidents. If you’re gonna be an independent girl who drinks, well, you suffer some consequences, so I have learnt over the many years. I am not ready to discuss this further yet.) He was also from a first world country so I hedged my bets on being safe. My last test, in June, stated me as HIV negative.
3 – When I was a pre-pubescent kid all I wanted to do was be male. The age at which I was thinking this means I did not have the first clue of the sexual implications of such a wish. All I knew was guys got to do so much more cool stuff. They were tougher & stronger and so were involved in the related activities. They were more respected and watched over women. To me, then, women had fewer choices and options and power. Women cleaned up & looked after men, who were allowed to explore the better things in life. We also had worse clothing & hair styles!! Just cut my hair short & give me shorts & a t-shirt. I actually did have very short hair & people would often mistake me for a boy. My father was devastated by this, all he wanted was a sweet girl, but I was so chuffed every time someone mistook my gender.
I’ve learnt a lot since then, and, man, today I love being a woman!
4 – I was not going to blog about this, but apparently I am in the Catholic church here confessing all my sins….Tonight I am meeting a friend for drinks. We have not had drinks together in two years! This friend is a guy I dated before I went to France. He is well over a decade older than me. He is engaged at the moment & when I met him over 2 years ago he had recently become a widower. We dated then because it was fun. We were/ are so different and live such different lives, but were attracted to each other from the moment we met. I am quite nervous about his intentions for initiating these drinks finally, but am just allowing myself to think that it is because we were once such great friends and so this is just drinks between friends. A quiet side of my brain, though, is hoping he will still be attracted to me when he sees me.
5 - My phobia...monkey people! Even as I think about this my body contracts in fear & repulsion. Like those "people" in Planet of the Apes. Or when National Geographic or a doccie shows the evolution to humans, when we were only just standing but COVERED in thick hair around our bodies & most of our faces. I seriously freak out & cannot look at that. Even doing these links was difficult for me!!!
I put it down to watching the original Planet of the Apes when I was a small kid late at night & being traumatised since.
One friend I confessed this to found it so amusing she would randomly email me photos of these types of monkey people while I was at work. And I would scream when I opened the documents. She told my younger brother & he taped the new "Planet of the Apes" movie. We would be calmly watching tv, he would press PLAY & the movie would suddenly appear. And I would scream.
Seriously. I do not cope with seeing them. I am shivering inside as I write this.
Quite serious confessions there! Well almost. Stop laughing at my phobia!!
Do I seem any different? Better? Worse? Oh the pressure!
Now I must tag people – I think four people so…
Kyknoord on his fancy new blog template
Go wild, boys & girls!!
P.S. Oh! I want to say HI!! to the person checking in on me from Sierra Leone, of all places!! Hopefully I will be visiting you there one distant day. I'd love to see that country & meet those people!