Friday, March 16, 2007

25 = 1st Quarter Down

So, if I am to die at approximately the average age of 100, then today is the last day of the first quarter of my life. I only have three quarters left. Strange to think. Actually, kinda freak-ass scary to think. (Any more mathematically minded people, ja ja, tula & let me be romantic, with my possibly bad calculations).

And how do I feel?

Like this coffee is a bit too sweet. Like the Bar One Choc Fudge cake next to me that I had to buy for the office will not last till lunch. And slightly warm, cause I know someone just sneaked the A/C off again.

….all in all, indifferent.

I do think a woman realises she is getting older when all the older men in the office start cracking dumb jokes about “don’t worry, I won’t ask how old you are”, or “so are you turning twenty one again. Ha ha ha ha.”
Champs: Ha ha ha (lucky for you, you’re the boss otherwise I would not be smiling) ha ha ha!

Speaking of which, the boss forgot to purchase the champagne he promised me in Monday’s staff meeting. I have told him that if he was not the one paying my monthly living abilities, I’d have sworn at him. He had to laugh back – it’s my birthday tomorrow afterall.

Was Twenty-Five a good year?

Well, I brought it in with my own dumpie bottle of Mo√ęt, after having just returned from a week in Paris. I moved apartments. I moved jobs. I have managed to lose nearly five kilos. I have made more people aware of HIV, and the complex issues around the virus. I am doing yoga again. I saw parts of southern Mozambique. I fell insanely in love with a man who cannot be with me. I started a time consuming hobby that has landed me many many darling friends, and some goofballs, and given me hope in my once-lost talents. I have had one close family friend die. I got through half an Honours course. I have visited the capital of Lesotho. I have been very sick. I was able to see all my brothers at least once in the past year. I have said goodbye to far too many good friends who went travelling & relocating. I have been completely infatuated with two other men, where nothing materialised, and sadly they are now no longer really part of my life. That still kinda hurts, in that melancholic way. I have had two HIV tests – both being negative. I had more sex than when I was twenty-four, but still not enough to put me at ease… but then, as one man in my life always says, “Nobody ever says they have had enough sex”.

It was a transition age I guess.

Meanwhile, many a person has been asking me – what do you really really want for your birthday??Well, I think that answer is obvious. But, since it seems no one is offering themselves up to me, or even just willing to ‘take one for the team’, I have generously added a few more items to the list.

And no, I have a phobia thanks to all those ‘80s Sci Fi films about robots ruling our lives, so battery-operated electronic gadgets just are not featuring. For this year, at least.

Champ’s 26th Birthday List:
1. Earth-shattering quality, silly amount of, shagging with a hot man;
2. Earth-shattering quality, silly amount of, shagging with an uber-hot woman (Consolation prize, ok.);
3. Plane ticket to NYC & San Fran for August 2008, with a guarantee of getting the USA visa even with a RSA passport;
4. Jewels that I can trade in or make even Ivana jealous with;
5. Funky gumboots. I don’t know why. Do you really think I even stand a chance on no’s 1-3, I may as well go for gold;
6. Music to improve my currently dulled selection – copied cds are more than welcome. Do not waste your good money on new ones. Damn The Music Industry Man!;
7. Champagne (Please note: Champagne never ever has the initials J.C. anywhere near it. Only Jesus is allowed to hold those initials. Anything else will be/ has been cursed);
8. World Peace;
9. Every single last episode of Sex And The City (refer to No. 6);
10. A night out of drinking paid for by “you”…whoever “you” happens to be. Same can apply for a meal at any time of day. Might be the priciest item on this list actually;
11. Chocolate. A lot of;
12. For all people to engage only in low-to-no risk sexual & drug-use behaviour. Kids to never be born with HIV. Kids to never have to prostitute themselves to feed their families, but rather, somehow miraculously, be provided for in healthy manners. Ok, that will do for this year;
13. Book vouchers;
14. To never ever ever feel a hangover again. Ever

What I do not want ever again, but thanks for thinking of me!:
1. Fondue set – 2 unused ones are enough (certain people did not just read this…Of course I have used it. Cough. Of course. Bugger.)
2. Bad Jewellery, book, cd, dvd – it is bad luck to give things away that were given to you as presents, so I will be haunted by these for forever;
3. The box for grapes you bought at the robot because you felt bad for the guy hawking them, and then you conveniently remembered your sister’s twenty first birthday was the exact same day as you had some random purchase to get rid of. …my student digs did enjoy the grapes though.

Happy MY BIRTHDAY for tomorrow!! Be sure to either drink a glass of champagne or a pint of an Irish draught for me, wherever in the crazy fun world you are, you darling people!!


Peas on Toast said...

A very happy birthday to you Champers. May it be a brilliant one! x

Anonymous said...

Happy happy Champs honey!
Hope its a good one, and I am going for number 6 on your list - since I have tons of music and looove to share it!

DaveRich said...

Happy Birthday for tomorrow champers. 25 is a big year but just think, still 5 glorious years ahead until you are 30, shudder. Thats me at the end of this year. Not looking forward...but then again they don't call it the dirty thirtys for nothing.

Anonymous said...

happy happy Champs you old fart!
I am buying you wrinkle cream!

Anonymous said...

happy birthday champs!!have an awesome day!! we're having a st.patrick's day braai....will ensure that every single one of my friends have a drink on you!

Anonymous said...

Well done you! 25 candles is nothing to sneeze at...
I think it may be a little unrealistic putting 7 & 14 on the same list... Hope you have a fantastic day all the same.

boldly benny said...

A very happy birthday to you Champers, I hope you have the most fantastic celebration that you wake up Monday still wondering what the hell went down.
For this year I wish you sheer and utter indulgence: plenty of cool, dry bubbly; the affections of plenty of gorgeous (and good) men (we know they are out there) and rich, velvety chocolate!
Your 25th year sounds amazing, it can only get better and if you do shudder at the sight of 30, I always look to my sisters for inspiration - they are happier, hotter and having the most sex that they've had in their lives and they are both in their 30s!

Champagne Heathen said...

Peas - thanks babe! It promises to be!

HPF - Really? Brilliant!! And Thanks!

DaveRich - lovely to meet you last night, and thanks! Uhoh. Good point. I am closer to 30!! I did not even consider that!

The Chiz - Just try, and you will not be so happy when you realise where that wrinkle cream lands up!!

Storm - thanks and Perfect!!

Thegodowner - Thank you! And if it is REALLY GOOD champagne, then is it not meant to come hangover free...worth a test anyway!
So what's my present? - the test run?

Boldy - (Can everyone stop mentioning the number 30!) Thanks hun! Indulge I will, and I will do my best to ensure this next year is better than the last. Can you imagine, if I kept doing that, how incredible my life will be by 30. (Aaaak, that number again!)

Triggermap said...

Happy Happy bday :) Sounds like it's gonna be a smasher party and a smasher year :) I think the second half of your 20's will be even better, now that you have a base to work off. Congrats again.

Anonymous said...

well, you're welcome to the test run at any time, wouldn't be right to use it up for a birthday present... I doubt you'll have a shortage of offers covering no 1 & 2.
I thought I'd just try draw you a picture?

fuzzy logic said...

Happpeeeeee Birthday Champs! Here's a toast to you *clink*!

Hope your 26th brings you lots of joy and happiness, and some studly men to fulfill #1!


Anonymous said...

HAPPY HAPPY!!! And many more good years to come!

Your gifts:
1.) Would love to.. ;-) but we don't know each other.
2.) Sorry, wrong equipment.
3.) ok - If you have to visit the US.
4.) Done. The Ivana kind of bling only ...darling!
5.) 60's tie-dye coloured ones.
6.) Barry White for No.s 1 & 2
7.) Veuve Clicquot and oysters (for 1&2)
8.) Hhhhmmmm - Sorry - focus on 5.
9.) Done.
10.)Refer to 1
11.)From the Godiva shop in Sandton
12.)Hhhhmmmm - Sorry - focus on 5.
14.)Enough Veuve... and the godowner said it.

Have a lovely day. Muchos Besos

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday Champs.

Just a moot point.
I'll be happy to send you bundles of music, on the condition that for every cd you copy, you go watch a band play at a venue. That is the only way musicians make money these days. Lets support the musos.
So where am I sending the music to?

Johnny Quarterback said...

Happy Birthday for tomorrow! I hope you have the ride of your life...literally.

Revolving Credit said...

I have considered your birthday list and have settled on a gift.
I give you Chewy!
Enjoy him this weekend.

Champagne Heathen said...

Triggers - thanks!! And yes, the 2nd part promises much entertainment! Have a drink for me!

Thegodowner - Good point of the picture! My other brother once promisd me a painting as an xmas present. Still I await for the masterpiece.

Well, I still do have that girl's number from the other week's Friday night...

Fuzzels - aaah, thanks! Have some green drinks over there in London for me! I actually still have & use presents you gave to me in 2001!

Loch - aaaah thanks! You're a honey. I do not recall any part of No. 1 stating I require knowing the man! Especially considering how well you seem to be going with my other presents!!

I do have to visit the states. I have an american friend marrying a frenchman in San Fran. I am not missing out on meeting his friends!!

Gros Birthday Bises pour toi!

Insanity - an excellent point. You can even send them to The Chiz, and he can give me each cd at each gig I attend! How about that for assured fairness.

Johnny QB - :) Well why thank you! I really hope your hope comes true!

Rev - aaaah, you're so sweet! How did you know know! Will you wrap him up too!

Revolving Credit said...

How about I get him to jump out a, on 2nd thoughts, maybe get him to jump out a huge bottle of tequila..

..dressed as a worm?????

Revolving Credit said...

PS> Chewy, I'm giving you to Champs as a b'day gift, so wear something cakie! Whipped cream and chocolate.

Champagne Heathen said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. I can't stop laughing at the image of Chews dressed as a worm bouncing about.

So that explains why he was asking if he could bring a cake to my house tomorrow!

Anonymous said...

Happy B'day Champs!

High in Dubai said...

Hi Champers,

I know I am probably late... But I got's to say HAPPY, HAPPY on your super day... I did think about you as I sipped on some real (no JC in the name) Champers this weekend... Loved every sip, just as I love your posts...

Hope you have a lifetime filled with hot loving and litres of bubbly on the side!

# 302 said...

belated happy birthday, hope it was celebrated in style.

Phlippy said...

Damnit - had I been in the office on FRiday I would've seen this!

sdfa sdfasdfadsf said...

Heppi Heppi! Hope it was awesome. Sounds like you had a crazy time!

It's my birthday on Friday... I imagine it's going to be insane too.

Hope you're well in non-destroyed JHB! Durban's coastline is stuffffeeed!

Champagne Heathen said...

Thanks you darling Someamongus!

Oooh High, I am loving your message. And good to hear you celebrated it too!!

Aaah, thanks Numero! It was, too much so!

Phlippy - would it meant I would've received Gift Option 1?!?

Kev - could you just stay away from the shore line till after your then!! I saw your pics!! Stop hanging around tidal wave danger zones.