Monday, April 30, 2007

Facing and Following Up

I once wrote a very angry post. It was actually the post that got me noticed. It even boosted me up to being nominated for the infamous SA blog awards of 2007.

There have been one or two positive follow-up incidences to this post. And perhaps credit should be given where credit is due.

This past hooligan caned-up Saturday at the dear Colony, of all holes in the Craighall wall, I was reacquainted with the man who had spent a good few hours that one night being disgusting enough to insult my brother continuously to me. And then have the audacity to invite me & my mate to get naked with him back to his house.

So it was that this past Saturday night you have never seen a man be made to be so apologetic and become so sheepish. Without being rude, completely calmly and politely, I explained to him that he had disgusted me that night, what he did was wrong, and should he try it again he would be sorry. (Empty enough threat, but the look in my eye allowed me this bluff). He apologised. Profusely. To get back inTO my good books. He tried to add that still, nonetheless, he does not like my…. “Ah, I am sorry, but did you not hear me properly. You do not insult one’s family or friends to that person. Now, either try to finish that sentence, and leave this table and these gorgeous women, and never ever dare speak to me again. Or try and use some intelligence, have some respect, and shut up or change the subject. And while you’re at it, I think you can buy me a tequila for being so rude the other night”.

The girls at the table were that hot. He shut up. ….Or maybe he is just a half decent man. Hmmm.

I never did get that tequila from him.

Another incident, again at the Colony (maybe I should take a hint at a recurring location…) took place on my birthday night.

Some background to this is: Some guys at varsity gave me a nickname I despised. Every time they said this name to me, I told them to stop with it. A few of these boys respected my appeal. The rest realised that this name riled me up, and so would start shouting it in clubs or repeating it to me, refusing to engage in conversations I would desperately try to have with them, to change the subject.

Now, six years on and I still have the misfortune of walking past some of these boys and having to bear their taunts. It really is ridiculous, and I think they would feel beyond guilted and shameful should they know the full true story behind the creation of the name. I am not yet ready to type out and publish such painful life experiences, but I will say that… rape would be too harsh a word to use to describe what happened that day.

Obviously, over the years, more and more of these men have grown up and moved on from the name. Sadly, not all. The other night, a complete stranger said it to me. I told him that enough was enough. It was time to grow up. Six years is a long time. And I kept walking through the crowd.

This man tracked me down. And apologised. And I appreciate it.

He didn’t go back to where he was, looking too happy. But what did he expect? It’s not like I now wanted to hug him. Or pat him on the shoulder and tell him it was ok. Sorry if I had overreacted. No. I simply accepted the apology and thanked him for offering it. And left it and him at that.

Women often feel compelled to then smooth over the situation. To lessen the anger they felt before. Laugh it off, make themselves out as being ridiculous, and not the man as being in the wrong. Or to hold onto the grudge. I have no desire for either anymore. I am glad that it was resolved, for me.

I just hope these incidences are a sign that there are some men I consider disgusting who eventually grow out of this phase. And I would like to believe that it is many of them who do.

I will just have to keep everyone posted.

And one day I will explain my incidences of rape and sexual violations over the years. Not today. Today is a day to build up to celebrating “Workers”, and the Dutch Queen’s birthday.

Tonight I am on a mission. To find a place that serves orange shooters so that my dear mate can celebrate her royalty’s birthday. Hip Hip Hooray!

(Nothing like getting overly happy at the end of a post, to divert from subjects I am just learning to face.)

17 comments:

DaveRich said...

Love this post, Well done Champs. My mom is Dutch, will pass this info on, thanks. And as for Orange shooters hmmm can't think of anything orange, gonna have to experiment in my lab.
Maybe you should try Cane and Fanta Orange instead of Cream soda.

Hot Pink Flush said...

Champs, babe. Wow.
I am so proud of you.
You're right.
Completely, 100% right. Women (read: I do feel the need to smooth things over.
I am proud of you for accepting the apology, acknowledging the ability of certain men to change and move on and being disgruntled by the inability of others.

But I am so into the positivity of this post. It cheered me up no end...truly.
Maybe one day we can share our stories?
Good on ya babe!
Much love and light.

PS. I am also hoping this positivity indicates that one Champs is getting better and no longer afflicted by the dreaded lurgy?

Champagne Heathen said...

Thanks Dave! Means alot. Not easy to publish such things. Yes, it seems it will either be Fanta Orange or Oros.

HPF - Hey babe! Thank you. It's good to hear that this post has a positive tone to it! Either it is great denial, or, what I think, finally admitting truthes to myself that have been plaguing my sub conscious for years. And with that...relief... that true healing & forward-moving has started.

I really do have a sense of relief when I attribute certain words to certain incidences, after so many years of saying such a word was "over reacting" or "too dramatic"...as by saying that means I don't need to face up to the pain.

One day we will have to share. Help each other, rather than both having to seperately learn lessons and all.

I guess that, through you & Dave noticing the new tone, that this does mean the lurgy is lifting...or that I am moving to the end of it. Yeah!!! We'll watch and see...

fly said...

so what was the nickname ??? :oP only joking...

My school memories are what made me leave my home town....most of the ppl I went to school with were absolute wankers....I left school in std 9 and went to college because of it and strangely I was never really picked on or anything, I was fairly popular in fact, but I just couldnt handle them....

Sadly even today some of them are still absolute idiots...personally I think they shouldve been shot at birth just to spare the human race from embarrasment....a bit harsh ??? they put my friend in hospital on his 21st birthday purely because he had not invited them to his party !!! and they still on regular occasions beat the crap into some young guy just for looking in their general direction....this is of course done in a group and never when they are alone....

Im hoping that one day, fate will play her hand and they mess with the wrong guy and all their years of terrifying the defenseless come crashing to halt...

So yeah...I feel your pain champs ;o) I still have dreams about them and im 31 !!!

# 302 said...

so how do you prepare for workers day?

practice saying viva and comrade in every third sentence?

how are you doing though?

DaveRich said...

Hmm, Bullys. Will mention my stories some day.
As for the orange shooters, Campari and Banana liquer is orange but is waaay to gross to drink. Stick to Genever, a dutch gin, drunk ice cold as a shot. Eat lots of croquettes(crumbed minced beef) and try poffertjes, so good.

ChewTheCud said...

Nicknames at varsity? That sucks. I had a terrible nickname at high school, but nothing at varsity. I would expect after a certain age people should be more mature, but it doesn't look like that happened.

Love that you end on a high note champers. We all dig it when you're having fun. Get those drinks in before the tenth ;)

Champagne Heathen said...

Hello fly, you gorgeous man, SEND ME THAT SNOW PATROL SONG! Pllleeeeeaasssse!

Argh. Your a*hole guys might just sound worse than mine! I am not surprised you left!

Hugs to you!

Numero - long time!! Good idea! I will sport a backwards beret tomorrow & throw my fist in the air every once in awhile. I am celebrating by working on UNISA tomorrow! sigh.

Almost time for that White Rabbit thing!

Other than being horribly sick with a cold/ flu, and overly busy, I am good. All is fine. Just fine.

Dave - some excellent ideas there! I will be sure to send them on to my Dutch mate! What are poffertjies?!?!? Sounds dodgy.

Chews - thanks babe. At first I laughed at the name. But it was the way it spread, and people seemed to get a sick pleasure out of hearing & labelling a girl they didn't even know, through a story they never even bothered to ask me about. Close-minded small people who I spend my life avoiding.

Ah well. C'est la vie. We can't just take them out, as Fly hopes.

Anonymous said...

Champs, poffertjes are sort of like tiny little pancakes but fatter. Trust me you'd like them, you can try them when you go harass my dutchies with me one day!

lordwiggly said...

Fanta Orange and cane?! Finally the robot is complete! Sparberry, Creme Soda and Fanta Orange, the most sacred of creations! //Wiggly ducks off work quickly to buy yet another bottle of Mainstay, and some Fanta//

DaveRich said...

Poffertjies are little pancakes, sprinkled with butter and icing sugar and sometimes cointreau, Awesome things.

Lord, now now, no drinking at work

Champagne Heathen said...

Thanks my anon Ducth chickie! How about you make them for me this afternoon, while you slack off!! hey hey??? :)

Wiggles - please come past my office on the way back! I could use some robot'ing!

Dave - You can also start making me some, ok!? You have one giant resturant there to play with!

My Dutch mate also asks if you know where you can get “Kroketten”, cause apparently she is keen to introduce me to those.

And that, In Holland they actually brew this special Jenever “oranje bitter” that tastes like crap but is as orange as Fanta and lots of bars put food colouring into their beer to make it orange as well, so cool.

DaveRich said...

Kroketten can be bought at the dutch bakery in Edenvale(The one that looks like a windmill on Van Riebeeck road), they make the best.There is a Dutch fair tomorrow in Benoni. They sell all this stuff there. Did you know that today is not the queens birthday, its her moms, the current queens birthday is January the 31st, but because the weather is cold and miserable then they carry on celebrating on the 30th April.Now you know. http://dutchisms.typepad.com/dutchisms/2004/04/queens_birthday.html

Anton said...

Facing the reality of a situation can be really really hard. It is something I'm still trying to learn. The emotions associated with the realisation of how things are, and not how you imagined them to be, are, well, painful. Really painful. But so are tetnus (hope I spelt that right) injections, yet they're necessary.

Some people change, some people find reasons not to change. I like to think that every painful experience I go through improves me in some way.

Um. I know most if not all my posts have been egocentric... But I'm a very self-centred person (read: introspective, not selfish). But it's from that I draw conclusions that help me relate to other people.

It sounds like you're also introspective (I guess one needs to be to have a blog).

It's good you're structuring your thoughts, and learning from them... no matter how painful they are to you, at least you're becoming a better human being, bit by bit, day by day.

Anonymous said...

Hi Champers - men/boys can be particularly insensitive. I also had an incident in which a guy insisted on calling me a name I did not like (and there are a LOT of nicknames that I tolerate).

I asked him to stop, he persisted. I took to ignoring him completely. He continued. Finally, I threatened to seperate him from his balls if he so much as breathed in my direction. He stopped talking - to everyone.

I don't like him. But I hope you found some orange shooters! Maybe next year you can join us for the real celebration in Amsterdam... it was awesome!

Love
Anon. Koeks

302 said...

white rabbit tender comrade.

Champagne Heathen said...

Anton - thanks for the gorgeous comment. I don't have much to say back to it right now. Let's just hope that this bit-by-bit change does mean for the better!!

Koeks - and thanks to you too for the two gorgeous comments! I found gluwein, but I think you & your boy found enough orange for the whole of SA left back here! Smooches

Numero - Damn! You beat me.