Facing and Following Up

I once wrote a very angry post. It was actually the post that got me noticed. It even boosted me up to being nominated for the infamous SA blog awards of 2007.

There have been one or two positive follow-up incidences to this post. And perhaps credit should be given where credit is due.

This past hooligan caned-up Saturday at the dear Colony, of all holes in the Craighall wall, I was reacquainted with the man who had spent a good few hours that one night being disgusting enough to insult my brother continuously to me. And then have the audacity to invite me & my mate to get naked with him back to his house.

So it was that this past Saturday night you have never seen a man be made to be so apologetic and become so sheepish. Without being rude, completely calmly and politely, I explained to him that he had disgusted me that night, what he did was wrong, and should he try it again he would be sorry. (Empty enough threat, but the look in my eye allowed me this bluff). He apologised. Profusely. To get back inTO my good books. He tried to add that still, nonetheless, he does not like my…. “Ah, I am sorry, but did you not hear me properly. You do not insult one’s family or friends to that person. Now, either try to finish that sentence, and leave this table and these gorgeous women, and never ever dare speak to me again. Or try and use some intelligence, have some respect, and shut up or change the subject. And while you’re at it, I think you can buy me a tequila for being so rude the other night”.

The girls at the table were that hot. He shut up. ….Or maybe he is just a half decent man. Hmmm.

I never did get that tequila from him.

Another incident, again at the Colony (maybe I should take a hint at a recurring location…) took place on my birthday night.

Some background to this is: Some guys at varsity gave me a nickname I despised. Every time they said this name to me, I told them to stop with it. A few of these boys respected my appeal. The rest realised that this name riled me up, and so would start shouting it in clubs or repeating it to me, refusing to engage in conversations I would desperately try to have with them, to change the subject.

Now, six years on and I still have the misfortune of walking past some of these boys and having to bear their taunts. It really is ridiculous, and I think they would feel beyond guilted and shameful should they know the full true story behind the creation of the name. I am not yet ready to type out and publish such painful life experiences, but I will say that… rape would be too harsh a word to use to describe what happened that day.

Obviously, over the years, more and more of these men have grown up and moved on from the name. Sadly, not all. The other night, a complete stranger said it to me. I told him that enough was enough. It was time to grow up. Six years is a long time. And I kept walking through the crowd.

This man tracked me down. And apologised. And I appreciate it.

He didn’t go back to where he was, looking too happy. But what did he expect? It’s not like I now wanted to hug him. Or pat him on the shoulder and tell him it was ok. Sorry if I had overreacted. No. I simply accepted the apology and thanked him for offering it. And left it and him at that.

Women often feel compelled to then smooth over the situation. To lessen the anger they felt before. Laugh it off, make themselves out as being ridiculous, and not the man as being in the wrong. Or to hold onto the grudge. I have no desire for either anymore. I am glad that it was resolved, for me.

I just hope these incidences are a sign that there are some men I consider disgusting who eventually grow out of this phase. And I would like to believe that it is many of them who do.

I will just have to keep everyone posted.

And one day I will explain my incidences of rape and sexual violations over the years. Not today. Today is a day to build up to celebrating “Workers”, and the Dutch Queen’s birthday.

Tonight I am on a mission. To find a place that serves orange shooters so that my dear mate can celebrate her royalty’s birthday. Hip Hip Hooray!

(Nothing like getting overly happy at the end of a post, to divert from subjects I am just learning to face.)