TIA: What I learnt from a weekend in Gaborone

- Gaborone a.k.a. Capital of Botswana a.k.a. City of The Goat;
- Goats rule the city. They are EVERY. WHERE. Even on the traffic circles. Munch Munch Munching away;
- When in town, one drinks St Louis. It even is brewed slap bang in the centre of the town;
- You can still find LION Lager in Gabs, but best check the expiry date;
- The Capital of Botswana reminds me of Orange Farm;
- My boyfriend tried to point out that Gabs is fascinating because the town planners made sure there are no “class distinction” by location – a shack next to a snazzy complex next to a tavern next to a nice white-picket-fence-home;
- South African cold fronts can hit that far north and even the “Bull & Bush” can be unpleasantly horrible during a fkcing cold Friday night’s drinking and tasty T-bone eating;
- You want a prostitute? Just visit any local drinking spot;
- Even if you are not sure if the girl in lumo pink & fake hair and plastic everything is “selling her wares”, but you are some dodgy German guy in a bad suit, just go up to this most overdone drunkest lady in the casino bar and tell her your room number. Hushed tones not necessary.
- There is enough Afrikaans being spoken in town to keep even the peroxided truck driver at the Lobatse border happy
- The Chinese are moving in. In a big way. They are developing it all up and taking over;
- Gaboronians CANNOT park – unless of course 45 degrees in a straight space is the new “in”;
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The new Bots president is of army background and HATES alcohol because of the alcoholics in his family and good luck to the Botsos as he starts stamping out heavy drinking!;
- He also is the son of a president. A famous president who married a white woman;
- They recommend warmed up biltong as a sundowner snack;
- I don’t recommend warmed up biltong;
- People are quick to try to cheat you out of a few Pula (the currency);
- The Pula is stronger than the Rand;
- Botswanian border posts are more impressive than the CHAOTIC South African versions;
- Botswana has the second highest HIV prevalence in the world at 23.9%;
- The Capital really is big on their No. 1 Detective;
- The BBC are shooting a # part series on this story – right now – as we speak – you can meet the folk working on the production in the “P60 Road Tax” queue at the Bots border posts;
- The story is about a black woman from Gaborone who becomes a detective, the idea of the story was thought up by some white visiting guy, Alexander McCall Smith;
- Apparently my boyfriend and I are the only people to not have yet read the books;
- You can find all major fast foods & most SA chain stores in town;
- Saturday night was Fireworks Night over Gabs;
- There is a Yacht Club!!!! For the dam you would never ever think is there, till you see it, and then, man, it is BIG;
- The Death Penalty is still around there;
- They don’t like Master Cards;
- Entertainment at the suburban pub is some chickie on a karaoke machine. Just her. Only her. And the music is all cheese. As are the people;
- You can drink the water;
- Gaborone is greatly integrated. Good fun. Every character you could want to find, can be found, from any family taking their kids out for a Friday night bite to the dolled-up local ladies with their red wine and ice to the teenagers trying a sneaky drink and disco dance floor moves, to Indian Men in Business Suits next to the local butch woman with her feet up and her crocodile skin exposed, the Poms out for a pint or the Colonials having a cuppa on a Sunday morning to Opera in a tea garden, the Peace Corps Americans and Scandinavians to the Zimbos talking politics, the manne with their brandewyn to the miners and possible Blood Diamonders, to the long-haired pony-tailed man with his gorgeous black wife and the farmer in his two-tone hosting a kids’ birthday party to the two slick Chinese men inviting a dolled up lady into their Rolls.
- Now the question is. Would I relocate there.

Neighbours. And Obligatory Kid Shot.