Thursday, June 18, 2009

I find.

I find myself staring at others’ lives. On Facebook. Virtually.
I find myself disjointed from purpose.
Hating people in this town.
Tired of strangers asking me that I must be excited.

I need mine to start.
When did it stop?
When did I become too scared? Too quiet? Too recluse?
There are no wrong or right choices… but I have made some wrong ones, is this a right one.

I loathe bumping into familiar past faces.
I loathe doing the same in and out.
Other than sleep. …perchance to dream…

You can’t run. Though.
Your demons are in you. No amount of flights tricks them out of you.

I find myself stressed. Keen to just work behind a bar with leeches of men tipping me.
Because the gutted people of life are easier to escape reality. With.

The phone no longer beeps.
When did it stop?
The clothes have been bought but no longer satisfy.
The body is enlarged and refusing to budge.
The nodding and hugging and small talk of goodbying is continuous.

Will it be different?
The terror lies in if it isn’t.


po said...

I was wondering if you were still in JHB. Good luck in the next stage of your life. Face book lives are fake anyway.

Rox said...

It must be a huge mind-fok - like being in limbo I guess!

I'm with Po, Facebook only shows one aspect of life and often it isn't a real perspective anyway. Just focus on what you have to do, and soon you'll be starting a whole new adventure!