I’m off in a few hours, for the start of the end.
To commence intense recuperation.
Think blue sea, Eastern Cape sands, unpredictable sky, & that quiet hot-sunk air too, too relaxed, like the rest of us, to even move. Think family & family friends. Popping over at midday for a cuppa which might become a beer or a snooze on the couch while cricket arbly plays on the tv. Sun cream, ridiculous sun hats, peanut butter slathered on freshly baked dorpie bread, cold meats & Christmas leftovers. Random conversations, just for conversation’s sake. Deep afternoon sleeps. Walks on sand and rocks. GnT’ing while trying to read & tan, and not winning on any of them. To laugh with people I have laughed with annually for 26 years. Swim in rivers, topless, after too much wine and trivial pursuit on rainier days, and walk to the next river on windy sunny days. Listen to jokes for hours and hours. Squabble with visiting siblings, like we always end up doing. And resolving it all over the cheapest nastiest local pub tequila, before ten of us attempt to tear the ad hoc dance floor apart.
I’m off to have a good time, and not think about a single one of my now-daily-life-peoples or worries.
2007. The year of life lessons and tweaking the path to where I finally realised I wanted it to focus.
This year I have:
*Dated a guy for a week, dated a guy for two weeks, both younger than me, can’t recall any others;
*Remained fairly single;
*Stood up for my respect;
*Binge drunk through most of the first half;
*Realised this, and stopped doing it;
*Replaced binge drinking for binge sexing;
*Travelled to Lesotho, Cape Town twice, Cote D’Ivoire, New York & San Francisco greater areas, Durban & the east coast of SA for the first time, East London for 6 hours or less, George for a night of German craziness, and Mozambique, where flushing toilets were a luxury;
*Gained myself a hubby, who likes to talk really really dirty to me – but still won’t put out;
*Bought sexy underwear with no ulterior motives;
*Accepted that a man I am deeply in love with cannot be loved by me;
*Found my best travel mate & already planning the ‘08 trip;
*Studied more French parle’ing and come a month away from gaining my International Political Honours (end of Jan ’08);
*After 8 years of heavy drinking, I stopped drinking completely for one month, AND found it easy, so easy in fact that I stop drinking for the occasional week here and there nowadays;
*For the first time started to learn what it is that I want in life, and not just what I do not want;
*Canopy walked, aka Swung on ropes across ravines;
*Mentally & Emotionally Sprung clean;
*Had sufficient amounts of frivolous (safe!) sex, and then realised and accepted and become content with knowing that I now would like to be in a loving relationship;
*Hit my head against 1000 walls;
*Said goodbye to my Israeli, my American fellow do-gooder, one of my dearest ex-digsmate friends, said cheers to a fun mate but watched his travels closely, said cheers to an infatuation; (when did my darling lovely close friend take herself to the States by the way??)
*I have had myself a hot model;
*Cried. A good deal;
*Got me a best mate who took the step to engagement;
*Got meself a new car & a laptop;
*My Forty year old cousin started to lead me astray – despite his mother believing it to be vice versa;
*Started to volunteer, which involves just hugging and chatting and dancing with orphaned kids;
*Visited Hades' decaying underworld, been so incredibly alone, been so incredibly sad that I ached in pain, been told I would come out of it eventually, to keep pushing through it, and indeed coming out of it – and only a few people having bothered to witness any of it;
*Written for SA’s top glossy magazine;
*An ex-lover got married;
*I have been the lust of one girl, had another girl put her number on my phone in a club, and yet, still not had my lesbian experience;
*Got an engaged sibling, even though I have yet to meet my pint-sized sister-in-law-to-be;
*Realised that love is not demands, but incomprehensible & too complex to the over-sentimental and sensational;
*Become more humble at what I do not know, do not have the answers or insights to, or only as yet learnt the kindergarten basics of it all;
*Flashed an American and two Aussies – I blame tequila;*Blamed tequila for many goings on;
*Watched Short Bus, Pan’s Labyrinth, All The King’s Men, Entourage, The Lives of Others;
*Rejected two wedding invitations, but still attended weddings in April, August, September, October…and within a few days, for the December quota;
*My street kid is housed, and actually, I need to give him a call…;
*No one close to me died, but I did find out that the first man I loved died a few years ago;
*Observed political events of the public sector strike, Zim’s continued downfall, Mbeki & Manto’s murderous uncaring ways for SA citizens, marched against crime with only a handful of people, mildly observed the Zuma/ Mbeki race etc;
*I became better friends with girls with whom I attended the School of Loathing;
*Become very angry at work, the job, the establishment, and so confused on what and where to focus and try to go;
*Learnt a touch more Sotho & greet certain people in it daily;
*Learnt to forgive, and learnt to stopping forgiving or taking the blame for and rather be angry at;
*I went to the ballet, watched RENT, went to the Jozi 46664 concert; went from Jozi Day to the Lion King & did not fall asleep;
*I feel greater and greater disconnection towards my background & bubble society;
*SHOCKED those JCC oldies lunching Under The Oaks, when I arrived for a GnT skimped out in the tiniest, flashiest gold dress & high heels, en route to a wedding;
*I apparently have opened up and shown weakness;
*I came up with a life plan – to become a bar fly;
*I have finally lost my puppy fat;
*I had very, very, angry moments;
*I walked into a man’s house with him at 3am, only for BOTH of us to be very surprised to hear his SEVENTEEN year old daughter shouting a “hello daddy… that she’s home from the holiday”. Priceless moment;
*The Long Long Table turned chaotic this year, as did WINEX, as did my birthday weekend, and a few of the public holidays, all unsurprising in being so surprising;
*Thought I was achieving too little, been awed at how much some people are giving and achieving;
*Have not yet gotten my Education Initiative off the ground, but helped a friend try to start an NGO;
*Been nominated for a SA Blog Award;
*Feel like I have done a 180 degree change;
*Sipped on champagne – on a Cape beach, a Mozambique beach, in New York, in a Jacuzzi, in Jozi clubs, in cellars, across SA scenes.
It was long. It is time it was wrapped up.
How was yours?